But before you apply to this lab or any other, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, be realistic about graduate school. Graduate school in biology is not a sure path to success. Many students assume that they will eventually get a job just like their advisor’s. However, the average professor at a research university has three students at a time for about 5 years each. So, over a career of 30 years, this professor has about 18 students. Since the total number of positions has been pretty constant, these 18 people are competing for one spot. So go to grad school assuming that you might not end up at a research university, but instead a teaching college, or a government or industry job. All of these are great jobs, but it’s important to think of all this before you go to school.

Second, choose your advisor wisely. Not only does this person potentially have total control over your graduate career for five or more years, but he/she will also be writing recommendation letters for you for another 5-10 years after that. Also, your advisor will shadow you for the rest of your life. People will always think of you as so-and-so’s student and assume that you two are somewhat alike. Finally, in many ways you will turn into your advisor. Advisors teach very little, but instead provide a role model. Consciously and unconsciously, you will imitate your advisor. You may find this hard to believe now, but fifteen years from now, when you find yourself lining up the tools in your lab cabinets just like your advisor did, you’ll see. My student Alison once said that choosing an advisor is like choosing a spouse after one date. Find out all you can on this date.

Finally, have your fun now. Five years is a long time when you are 23 years old. By the end of graduate school, you will be older, slower, and possibly married and/or a parent. So if you always wanted to walk across Nepal, do it now. Also, do not go to a high-powered lab that you hate assuming that this will promise you long-term happiness. Deferred gratification has its limits. Do something that you have passion for, work in a lab you like, in a place you like, before life starts throwing its many curve balls. Your career will mostly take care of itself, but you can’t get your youth back.

If, after reading this, you want to apply to this lab, we would love to hear from you.

We did this a few years back, then got busy, then got very very busy, then got not so busy (but decided to enjoy that), and are now the busiest we’ve ever been, but thought (for a variety of reasons) to put this out there again…

We don’t want to actually make money out of this, because when you do, things get significantly more complicated. They become high maintenance so to speak – with taxation, copyright and distribution logistics to worry about. Although some view us as a literary endeavour, we are in truth a covert educational project designed primarily to get non-scientists to immerse themselves a little more into this science thing. This, we think is working, at least if you use our contributor lists as a gauge.

With the “not worrying about money” baseline in mind, we seem to be left with two options. They are: (1) get a bonafide publisher to worry about such matters for us, and distribute the journal via the standard publishing routes, or (2) rely on third party online self printing/publishing services (like Lulu or Cafepress), which allow you to send in the “finished” product in electronic form and then sit back whilst computer fairies and gnomes produce physical books based on online requests to purchase. To avoid the money stuff, we simply add zero dollars on top of the base fee charged by said service.

To be honest, we’re not sure which is best.

(1) seems to gain us more clout and a wider distribution, and may be doable, because in a surreal but fortuitous twist of fate, we have been proposition by a variety of agents and publishers over the last 3 years. The problem here is that we do lose a fair bit of control (for instance, said publishers tend to be only interested in the humour pieces – maybe that’s o.k, although it does sort of defeat the intent of the SCQ?). Anyway, as always a chance to discuss this with others is key – maybe even a small press or two can be led our way.

(2) seems to be more fun and likely much quicker, primarily because we, ourselves, get to design things like this:

As well, we can ask our readers to participate by choosing their favourites from the past year. For example, we can also ask our readers for suggestions on two quotes to grace the cover of the book – one profound, one not so much – to be sent to tscq@interchange.ubc.ca, subject heading: quote.

Anyway, like a lot of things in the sciences, it’s all about the data you get back and the sample size recieved, so send us a few quotes, tell us your favourite pieces from the past year, and let us know what you think in general about this book business.

cheers
Dave Ng

P.S. If you are confused about the duck, it’s because of this.
P.P.S. The awesome painting of the duck is by our very own Arthur Kwan – rocks eh?

Dr. Hadi Dowlatabadi
Canada Research Chair, Professor of Applied Mathematics and Global Change.
October 24th, 2008
“It’s Your Experiment!” Science Teacher Conference.
Michael Smith Laboratories, UBC

Description: A 25 minute lecture looking at the value of integration in the pursuit of science and science education.

Prof Dowlatabadi research interests involve systems approach to public policy especially when dealing with scientifically complex issues such as interactions between energy, environment and public health; communicable and vector-borne diseases (HIV/AIDS, malaria, dengue, …); and Global change mitigation, impacts and adaptation. Hadi Dowlatabadi is viewed as something of a luminary in integrated research systems. He’s been credited with almost single-handedly bringing broad-scale assessment models into popular use. Because of his work, climate and energy research can now be observed in an integrated way.

Dear Animal Empathizer,

It’s a scene that’d be shocking if it wasn’t all too common: An innocent baby seal is stalked, murdered, its skull crushed, its bloodied body used and abused for nefarious purposes. But the perpetrator of this heinous hate crime isn’t a furrier or poacher, protected from punishment by a right-wing “population control” zealot: This serial killer of seals is a polar bear, and it’s being protected by you.

It’s the taboo topic we in the animal rights movement never dare discuss-too radical even for the radicals. Yet animal on animal violence kills more creatures each year than hunting and scientific experimentation combined. Sure, it’s easier-and more fun- to bust-up university laboratories and throw blood on models wearing fur at fashion shows and protest fast-food chains while wearing chicken costumes —but what about addressing the genocide going on in the animal community?

And I’m not talking about about the war in Iraq or Afghanistan. I’m talking about a battle that’s gone on longer than the East Coast-West Coast hip-hop feud and Israel-Palestine conflict—the sibling rivalry among Mother Nature’s animal children.

Yes, folks: Our collective Dr. Doolittle needs some Dr. Phil. We can’t go on any longer without addressing the rampant hate crime going on amongst the earth’s creatures and still call ourselves activists.

There’s pacifism, and then there’s passivity. Critics may recite cliché about “nature’s way,” but although making Earth’s cannibalistic carnivores ‘go vegan’ will definitely be a challenge, it’s also our moral imperative.

Even lions have options; violence is taught to them by the jungle culture. If these so-called savage beasts can learn to take the ‘die’ out of their diet, they could soon be enjoying a vegetarian meal of grass alongside grazing gazelles, instead of tearing apart their flesh and devouring it greedily.

And no, it’s not just about the jungle; the forest and the ocean are also rampant with serial killers killing other serial killers. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Would female praying mantises devour the males after mating if they had the option of couples counseling? With education, they can be taught not to ashamed of their insexuality.

And have we even considered that perhaps mosquitoes are bloodsuckers by NURTURE? How do we know they’re not just looking for a pleasant place to perch and rest their weary wings, until they’re forced to bite and suck after we reach out to violently swat them instead of giving them hugs?

We’ll need your financial support, of course. Although times are tight, things are even worse in the animal economy. Many animals have no cash at all.

• Bumper stickers, t-shirts and buttons (sample slogans: “He’s not my supper, he’s my brother” , “She’s not my dinner, she’s my sister” and “I don’t want endangered feces.”) to be distributed and applied humanely among and on animal influencers. Placement on celebrity animals is particularly desirable. (George Clooney’s pet pig would’ve been ideal, if it wasn’t dead.)

• Food drives. It’s going to take a lot of cans of creamed corn in order to convince a hungry polar bear to pass up eating an adorable baby seal-even I assume they must be delicious!

• Scientific research. I know, I know, an often-abused phrase and common alibi for animal torture. However, if engineering a two-ton tofu treat is what it takes to prevent a bear from dining on a deer, can you really put a price on that?

• Billboards featuring Pamela Anderson nude. I forget exactly why this helps, but isn’t it interesting how she went from being a sex symbol for straight guys to being a sex symbol for gay guys?

• Getting The Discovery Channel and other snuff films euphemistically referred to as “nature documentaries” taken off of the air, because there’s a direct causal link between violence on television and violence in nature.

Maybe. But many people condescendingly excused cavemen for wearing wooly mammoth fur, before my influential pamphlet “Ice Age Nudist,” and now it’s taken as a given that it was just as wrong then as it is now. I can also remember a time-not long ago I’m ashamed to say-when many of us animal lovers thought nothing of downing handfuls of Animal Crackers and Vegan Gummi Worms before adding foodstuff that even signified that it was of animal origin to our list of dietary no-nos.

Surely, our movement faces many obstacles, not the least of which are “nature’s baser “instincts.” It’s going to take a lot of protests, op-ed pieces and (most importantly) blogging to get this point across to all species, but it’s time to stop the murder among our furry, finned and feathered friends. Let’s increase the peace amongst the beasts. Let’s take the pain out of their food chain. Lets make the killer instinct extinct. Won’t someone save these animals from themselves?

Sincerely,

Trevor Treehouse
Anibassador, United Natures

P.S. The revolution has already started…on-line! Join my Facebook group “Stop Animal On Animal Violence Now!”

O.K. o.k. so we’ve been ultra delinquent with keeping on top of the PF3 puzzle, and for that we heartily apologize.

But here we go – the proverbial home stretch. As it stands what did happen was that somewhere in the conversation, in the comments, in the hypothesizing, the answer was indeed found.

However, in a manner that some might say happens also in the scientific process, the answer when proclaimed was done so in a way that didn’t really reflect a full on “aha!” moment. Truth is, it seemed like maybe it was a lucky guess – we don’t know – maybe it wasn’t, but we’re of the opinion that based on the clues provided, if you know it, you would know you know it.

So… to keep things progressing, We’re going to go one step further than just saying “the answer” happened to have been uttered previously. We’re actually going to narrow it down to three of these guesses.

One of these is the real mccoy. The challenge is to see if you can you figure it out?

If it helps, click here to see a full on montage of every clue presented so far.

Anyway, leave your hypotheses here. Regardless of what happens, We’ll give out the answer on Christmas day. Good luck!

For some a voyage through the Canadian Arctic may be one of the most exciting and thrilling adventures one could dream of: indeed, hundreds of kilometres of virgin land and cold vastness have challenged thousands of explorers in the past. Many of these arctic adventurers shared a common goal: to seek a navigable passage between the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Thanks to Roald Amundsen, a Norwegian explorer, and his crew, a 400 year search for a shorter sea route between Europe and the Orient was finally crowned with success at the beginning of the 20th century. Amundsen was the first to navigate the full length of the Northwest Passage – a sea route along the northern coast of North America through the Arctic Ocean.

But today much more is at stake on the Arctic Playground. In August 2007, enough ice melted to open up this long-sought passage to navigation [1]. This has renewed the interest in the Northwest Passage as well as in the whole Arctic region in general as the polar ice gives both evidence of global warming and pledges immense natural resources. Conflicting interests in the international dispute over the circumpolar region have brought the Arctic back onto the Canadian foreign policy agenda.

Arctic Adventurers

For more than 400 years, European explorers had been obsessed to find a northern route to the Orient and a shorter route connecting the North American west and east coast. Hundreds of ships – mainly from Spain and England – explored the Northern coast of today’s British Columbia and Alaska as well as to the Hudson Bay area in the east. Propelled by the pursuit for national pride and glory, Great Britain sent a large number of expeditions into the Arctic in the 1800s to now look for the “Northwest Passage”. However, none of the famous expeditions lead by James Cook and George Vancouver were able to find a navigable route through the Canadian Arctic. Nor was the Englishman Samuel Hearne – who is said to have walked 2900 kilometres northwest from Hudson Bay – able to present any evidence of its existence [2].

During the following decades, a sea passage was eventually pieced together through the efforts of numerous explorers: a passage winding along the Arctic coast of the Canadian mainland and through the waters of the Archipelago. It was the Norwegian Roald Amundsen and his crew who finally sailed the full length of the passage in one go. A crucial question, however, remained to be answered: Was there really any practical value to the discovery, since it took Amundsen about three years to complete his voyage as his ship was repeatedly trapped between ice floes?

Despite the tremendous efforts, it was evident that conventional cargo ships could not navigate safely through the Northwest Passage. Moreover, an international shipping route would not be viable since the passage was only navigable for a short period each year when the pack ice started to melt [3]. Other obstacles like the harsh Arctic climate and shallow waters with dangerous ice sheets under the water surface put any further explorations literally “on ice”. During the second half of the 20th century, advances in technologies sparked new interest in the Arctic region: with modern navigation and communication equipment, highly functional clothing and high-performance icebreakers, the Arctic region suddenly became more accessible than ever before. The short summer season remained the only bottleneck that prevented the passage from being exploited commercially.

We are, however, witnessing an unprecedented meltdown at the top of the world that threatens Arctic wildlife and challenges the traditional lifestyle of indigenous peoples. Ironically, bad news for the polar bears may be good news for entrepreneurs!

Effects of global warming on the Arctic region

While the reasons for global warming remain an unlikely matter of debate, the symptoms and effects of climate change can no longer be neglected. Impacts of changing weather patterns can be observed all over the world but scientists of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) warn that the Arctic region is particularly threatened by global warming. Summer sea ice has decreased by more than 7% per decade and the Arctic may be virtually ice-free by mid 2070 [4]

But wouldn’t a warmer climate in the Arctic with longer ice-free periods help plants to flourish which in turn could absorb some of the human-induced greenhouse gases emissions? This may be true to some extent, but it does not offset the vicious circle that we have set in motion. Sea ice has a bright surface and reflects three times more of the sun’s radiation back into space than the dark-coloured ocean surface. If the sea ice continues to melt, more solar energy is absorbed instead of reflected, accelerating the warming of the Arctic region even further [5].

As well, the Arctic ecosystem is very fragile and particularly vulnerable to the effects of global warming. Harsh climate conditions and a short growing season during the arctic summer have kept the biodiversity in the Arctic at a low level: Only a limited number of plants, mammals and birds have learnt to adapt to this unique ecosystem. Nature’s response to the low biodiversity has been to develop a highly efficient and dependent food chain. Should one part of the chain, a key species, get irreversibly affected by an increase in temperature, species higher up in the food chain will also suffer.

Global warming particularly affects the algae communities at the base of the food chain. If the porous ice sheets continue to melt, the ice algae lose their habitat and will eventually be replaced by phytoplankton. This may seem to be not so bad, except that a large variety of small organisms and fish live off of this ice algae. What will these fish subsist on once the ice algae have disappeared? Decreasing fish runs are in turn likely to reduce the seal population feeding on them, with devastating consequences for the polar bear and traditional hunting activities of indigenous peoples [6]. In addition, naval traffic will pose an additional threat to the already fragile ecosystem as the Northwest Passage becomes fully navigable.

Economic interests in the Northwest Passage

As if the imminent loss of a unique ecosystem wouldn’t be frightening enough, we are right in the middle of adding an additional degree of complexity: Recent studies by the U.S. Geological Survey suggest that the Arctic region is extremely rich in natural resources; undiscovered oil reserves are estimated at 90 billion barrels [7]. Suddenly, everything appears to fall in place for energy giants such as ExxonMobile and BP: the exploitation of gigantic oil fields together with nearly ice-free shipping routes hold the promise of big profits. Hence, the Arctic oil does not only raise environmental concerns – but also some sticky political questions. In times of impenetrable pack ice, there was no need to argue about a region that no country could make use of anyway. This, however, is changing rapidly as the impact of global warming paves a commercial route to the Far North.

Indecisiveness and confusion run like a golden thread through Canada’s history of claiming its part of the Northwest Passage. In 1969, an American oil company backed by the US government sent an ice-strengthened oil tanker through the passage to test its viability as a potential shipping route. As Canada had not been consulted about the voyage, the event was understood as a serious challenge to Canada’s sovereignty. While Canada claimed that the Arctic waters are territorial waters of Canada and demanded the exclusive right to regulate all shipping through the Northwest Passage, the United States stated that restrictions from the Canadian government would jeopardize the freedom of navigation [8].

On top of that, other circumpolar nations including Denmark (via Greenland), Norway and Russia have made their claims in the Arctic. Russia, for example, caused an uproar when Russian explorers planted their country’s flag on the seabed below the North Pole to further Moscow’s claims. Despite the resonance to Russia’s flag-planting foray, the dash to the Arctic is not just a simple race to create facts that can be consolidated and defended by military power if the situation demands it: Fortunately, it also involves the establishment of legal arguments that have to be shored up by scientific data.

International agreements like the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea (1982) grant coastal nations an economic zone of 370 kilometres beyond their land coast line. This zone can be extended if it is proven that the area in question is an extension of the continental shelf that the country is situated on. Both Canada and Russia base their hopes on the Lomonosov Ridge, an underwater ridge of the continental crust. While both countries hope to establish new outer limits for their respective continental shelves, it may turn out that the ridge in question does not only connect the North American shelf to the Russian one, it is also so close to Greenland that Denmark expressed its interest in it as well.

Any claims under the Law of the Sea must be filed within a decade of ratifying it. This boils down to the fact that Russia’s, Canada’s and Denmark’s respective deadline is approaching quickly giving each country only a few more years to set out their case. The United States, however, do not recognize the International Tribunal for the Law of the Sea – like numerous other conventions – meaning that their decade for proving their case has not even started yet.

The quest for a piece of the ice cake

The natural beauty of the remote, exotic world of the Arctic has fascinated explorers for centuries. With its harsh climate, the Arctic may be hostile toward life but it is in fact one of the most fragile and vulnerable ecosystems on the planet. The Arctic is particularly affected by global warming. Melting polar ice sheets do not only threaten Arctic wildlife but may endanger low-elevation coastal zones around the planet with rising sea levels. The Arctic is a good example for the independence and interconnectedness of regional and global issues such as global warming, international naval trade and exploration of natural resources.

The scramble for the Arctic will keep lawyers and geographers busy for decades. Neither demonstrations of power nor military manoeuvres in the permanent ice will solve these problems. The Arctic challenge is more than a gigantic treasure hunt for the best resources. Many circumpolar nations, Canada and the US, in particular, need to do their homework first and address environmental concerns and aboriginal rights. These issues transcend national boarders and call for concerted international (or inter-regional) efforts to protect and preserve such a unique region of our planet.

References

[1] North American Space Agency (NASA). Southern Route Through Northwest Passage Opens (August 8, 2008). Accessed October 8, 2008 (link).

[2] Kenney, G. Dangerous Passage. Issues in the Arctic, National Hertige Books, Toronto 2006.

[3] Berton, P. The Arctic Grail: The Quest for the North West Passage and the North Pole 1808-1909. Markham: Penguin Books Canada, 1989

[4] International Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). Fourth Assessment Report. Chapter 4. Changes in Snow, Ice and Frozen Ground, p. 376. Accessed October 8, 2008 (link).

[5] Hall, Sam. The Fourth World. New York: Vintage Books, 1987.

[6] Byers, M., Barber, D., Fortier, L. The Incredible Shrinking Sea Ice, Policy Options, 2, 2005.

[7] U.S. Geological Survey (USGS). Circum-Arctic Resource Appraisal: Estimates of Undiscovered Oil and Gas North of the Arctic Circle, Fact Sheet 2008-3049, 2008. Accessed October 5, 2008 (link).

[8] U.S. Department of State (US DS), Foreign Relations. Documents on Global Issues, Vol. E-1, 1969.

One of the most deadly of all Martian spiders, the Stardust Dreamweaver doesn’t inject venom into its prey directly. Instead, it surrounds it in a hazy cosmic jive, distracting its victim. Easily trapping its meal, the Stardust Dreamweaver then cocoons it in a hideous kabuki-style space age outfit and subjects it to Gary Glitter’s “Rock and Roll (Part 2),” also known as the “Hey Song.” Once the victim’s brain hemorrhages, the Stardust Dreamweaver devours its prey.

This arachnid dwells deep within the velvet goldmines of the United Kingdom. It is prized by garment makers for its ability to spin webs of pure, sequined polyester.

Noted for its long black hair and animal grace, this spider is a sexual polymorph, a chimera bridging the gap between masculine and feminine. In short, it is a mama-papa coming for you (if you are within its striking radius).

Even though it has prominent male organs, this arachnid can be mistaken for a female, altering its markings at will. In addition, its smooth, curvaceous legs are five to six times the length of its entire body, causing it to move like a tiger on Vaseline.

When it is time to mate, the Manlady Longleg performs an elaborate, sadistic courtship dance that could only come from a planet entirely foreign to our own. After cornering its chosen companion, saliva glands become engorged and a long tongue protrudes. It then uses this proboscis to coax discordant melodies out of the other spider, gathering the legs of its mate like the strings of a guitar.

The first scientific observation of this sexual act took place in a New York research facility in 1972 by noted arachnologist Dr. Gene Simmons.

A fierce hunter, this vertebrate spider—in a technique described by arachnologists as “wham, bam, thank you ma’am”—first lands on its kill from above, strikes once, and then shakes its victim’s antennae and smiles, resembling a gesture of thanks, albeit a primordial and disturbing one.

The Suffragette City Spider’s erratic behavior continues into mating. It is forbidden for the male to lean on the female at any time during intercourse. If he does, the female will put his spine out of place.

Because of the combination of deadly hunting and reproductive techniques, the female of the species is a total blam-blam.

Though Homer wrote that the Abantes warriors wore their “forelocks cropped, hair grown long in the back,” for centuries, no one actually knew what the mullet looked like. Today, thanks to the invasion of the Orange-Haired Widow, the mullet enjoys a popular renaissance, with many derivations on its theme.

The eccentric coloration of this arachnid does not end at the forelocks, however. Across its rightmost set of eyes is a red lightning bolt figure. This marking has the dual benefit of frightening predators while attracting young, impressionable prey. After a deceptive sexual dance (that in fact resembles mime), the Orange-Haired Widow sinks its fangs into its victim and its mullet puffs out. A rule of thumb for those in the field: The bigger the mullet, the deadlier the spider.

Beautiful to behold, but a horror to touch, the Sparkly Tarantula is perhaps the Granddaddy of all Martian spiders, and certainly the most formidable. Laced into its venom is a powerful hallucinogen. Minutes into being attacked, the victim is mentally transported to a hellish spaceship disco. Once total-mind control has been achieved, a creature known as the Nazz appears, its God-given ass shining in the disco lights. The Nazz ravages the victim, making love with its ego. After the prey gets sucked up into its mind, the Nazz leaves its victim to hang.

Sparkly Tarantulas shed their exoskeleton to grow; at the end of its lifecycle, the Sparky Tarantula loses its glitter and dons a suit and tie. It is no longer a Spider From Mars. It is now a Diamond Dog.

(Reprinted with permission. Originally published at The (Always Fine) Morning News)