Just saying that biodiversity isn’t all about beauty and things being cute and cuddly.

These cards at the Phylogame website rock! And in case, you’re new to the Phylomon idea, it’s basically a crowdsourced art, science and gaming project that revolves around the reality of children knowing WAY more about Pokemon than they do about the flora and fauna around them. This, of course, is problematic since one might suggest that it’s not a bad thing for children to also know a little more about the real environment around them (a more detailed description of the project can be found here).

This is also a post to say that I’m on the lookout for artists to contribute to special Phylomon “decks.” In particular, we’ve got funding to seek out art contributions at about $200 per image, with a preference of hiring each artist to contribute at least 5 or so images at a time. Image copyright would remain with the artist, but we ask that the phylo project is allowed to showcase them online in card format in a non-derivative, attribution, non-commercial manner; as well as allow non-profits, museums, educational institutions to use the image (but only in the form of phylo cards) in physical decks that may be sold only for agreed upon outreach project fund raising purposes.

Anyway, if you’re a freelance artist and the project (and the pay) sounds interesting to you, then please do leave your portfolio website in the comments below this popperfont post (we’re also going to contact a few artists who have already so nicely allowed us to use existing art). As well, just so you know, we’re actually looking for art that veers a bit away from the usual conservative realistic type of animal art (i.e. character design buffs are welcome!). Ultimately, we’re looking for art that might actually be considered a bit Pokemon-ish but with details that reflect the real-life organisms.

Oh… And if you want to see more of our existing catalog of cards, then just go to http://phylogame.org/cards. You can also print more, by just hitting “select” on any cards you like – there’s about 300 to choose from, as well as about 500 DIY cards that kids have drawn. When you do this, the card should appear in the “selected cards” shopping basket. When you’re finished, just click on the “Selected Cards” link and it’ll just show you just the ones you’ve picked (6 at a time).

The best part is that you can just print that webpage (i.e. what you see there), and it’ll automatically produce a printout of just the cards (6 at a time) and at print quality resolution.

Game on!
Dave Ng

The mermaid’s eyes bulge from the sides of her head, one aimed at you, one at the lead-colored sea. You cross your eyes; “No fair,” she says, and wheezes a little laugh; her breasts lift, ribs out, ribs gone again, skin shining and white like a porcelain platter wet in the sink. You want to reach out and see if it squeaks to the touch. “Okay, let’s see,” she says, and absently pinches at her bluish teat, thinking.

“It’s hard to explain,” she says, “Ironic. …Isn’t it?” Her voice is hollow, like she’s swallowed a boy your age, and he’s speaking from inside her. “I never know if things are ironic or just ‘appropriate.’ Or ‘coincidental.’ Or ‘funny.’ Muscular Hydrostat,” she says, like that’s supposed to help, “I think that’s what you call it.”

You want badly for her mouth to open and send laughter skipping across the waves, for her hair just to pick up and billow like a sail in the sun, but she hums from her chest while she thinks, and her hair sticks slickly to her neck. You are about to make a joke, but she says, “The idea starts this way: water, in a given space, it stays the same.” She cups her white hands full of seawater; you want to touch it to your lips and drink. You cup your hand against your face and exhale to smell it. Vinegar. “There,” she nods, she holds the water like a ball, her webbed fingers spread comfortably. “No matter where it goes, it’s no less dense, or more. It can only move.” She claps and water sprays you both; you lick your lips. Salt. She lays her hands in the water, flat, like an offering; you want to drink it all until it becomes you, and you can go with her where she’s going. She curls her fists and squeezes and water shoots out both sides, like a hose with no spigot, quickly spent.

“So it is with the tongue,” she says, “Being mostly made of water.” She lets her mouth hang open. “Fluid, yeah?” She pushes out her tongue, all the way, long and thick and deeply violet, then flares it flat like an eagle ray. “Eh?” She says, “Always the same size, no matter what, moving around inside your throat.”

She laughs, then, like rocks dropping into the shallows. You want to make a joke, but you shut your mouth tight, clench your teeth against the thing growing in your mouth, pushing frontways, sideways, writhing to come out.

The shortage of qualified surgeons in this country has led to drastic measures being taken. Here is a transcript of a lecture given recently to new surgical interns by Master Plumber Fred Johnson of Johnson’s Plumbing and Heating.

“Let’s go over the design plans briefly before we begin our operation, fellas.”

“We’ll proceed from the top, here at this access panel, and then move our way down to the waste stack, here.”

“Behind the access panel opening you’ll usually find several enamel fixtures in a curved array, with multiple small valves supplying fluid to the fixtures and the upper end of the system.

“Solids and liquids introduced to the system are pushed into the drain by this auger unit, down a three degree slope, to a 90 degree ell-coupling here. Be careful working around this elbow area since touching the inside of the pipe will cause the system to immediately back up.”

“Now, below this fitting there are two 3/4 inch drain lines, which converge here in this flow control valve. This valve is responsible for separation of gas, liquid and solid material, as well as functioning as a PA system for the entire structure.”

“We’ll only concern ourselves with the fluid and semi-fluid lines at this point people. We’ll let the gas fitters work on the other line later.”

“Past the control valve we come to a central reservoir which holds all the in-feed from the drain line above. This tank has control valves at each end and, after suitable mixing has occurred, the contents of the tank are slowly drained through the lower valve into a 1 inch sewer line here.”

“This sewer stack is approximately 28 feet long, made of flexible tubing, and winds around the central interior of the structure, through several 90 degree bends, elbows, and 45 degree offsets. As it proceeds, some of the material inside the structure is siphoned off using various branch lines.”

“Just so you’re aware, another system is responsible for filtering liquids in this structure. That system has two replaceable strainers here at the back. Waste liquid drains from these filters into a P-trap holding tank here and hence to one of two different exit valves, depending on the structure. This is what we male plumbers call the fire sprinkler system. That’s a bit of anatomy humour there.”

“Other tanks contribute fluids and chemicals to the mixture as it moves down the stack, but generally the material continues without interruption.”

“The processed material then enters this 2 inch stack, which is in essence another, larger holding tank. This tank regularly empties, usually into a municipal waste system, through this flow control valve, here. Yes, the exterior valve can look like a politician, Joe – good one!”

“This plumbing system operates with high efficiency, but can occasionally slow to a crawl, or speed up beyond system capacity. The reasons for slowing down can be anything from too much cheese entering the system to a lack of water irrigation, which can also lead up to a complete blockage and pipeline shut down.”

“The system can also work at extremely high speed, particularly after a ‘hot wings and beer night’ at the local pub, or if the system is contaminated by a previously untested curry.”

“When working on these pipes, care must be taken with open flames or spark-producing tools since the system can vapour-lock, and flammable gases are known to accumulate on a regular basis. Venting is as important here as in any plumbing system, so remember that as you solder or weld anything.”

“So that’s it folks! Any questions before we start on this patient? No? Good.”

“Someone get my work gloves and I can get started with the pipe cutters. We need a work light in here! Who’s got the snake?”

“We have to hurry people – the electricians next door need help with their brain surgery.”