* * * (REPRINTED FROM ISSUE ONE, APRIL 11th, 2005)
The Science Creative Quarterly
By Christopher Monks
Christopher Monks once got a B on a biology quiz. He also wrote a book, "The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life." In stores November, 2008. For more information please go here.
TRASH TALKIN’ AT THE AQUARIUM
Wut up, tortoise? You think you’re all that ’cause you can swim really well and stuff? Well, sorry to disappoint you, son, but I can swim really well, too. Sucka. I need to wear water wings, on account I’m scared of deep water, but that’s still swimming. So bite me, fool. Ooo, shark, what big sharp teeth you have! Too bad four out of five dentists think you’re a doophis. Boo-ya! “Arf! Arf! Look at me: I’m a big fat sea lion! I can wave hello with my big fat flipper and spin a beach ball on my big fat…
SHAFTED AGAIN BY NOBEL
I didn’t win the Nobel Prize in Physics again this year. What’s a guy got to do to win that thing? I was made to win that prize, but for like the umpteenth time in a row I’ve been given the shaft. Annoying! Who cares if I’m not a physixcist or however you spell it? I’ve been doing lots of cool physics-type stuff forever and deserve some recognition and money. Since a teenager I’ve done this kick-ass trick where I put a quarter in each of the palms of my hands and then I quickly slam my hands down against…
PHOTO OF A NICE SET OF BOOBIES WE SAW AT THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY
(Originally published on April 11th, 2005)
TRASH TALKIN’ AT THE AQUARIUM
Wut up, tortoise? You think you’re all that ’cause you can swim really well and stuff? Well, sorry to disappoint you, son, but I can swim really well, too. Sucka. I need to wear water wings, on account I’m scared of deep water, but that’s still swimming. So bite me, fool. Ooo, shark, what big sharp teeth you have! Too bad four out of five dentists think you’re a doophis. Boo-ya! “Arf! Arf! Look at me: I’m a big fat sea lion! I can wave hello with my big fat flipper and spin a beach ball on my big fat…
NOTHING TO CROW ABOUT
“Crows seem to be able to use causal reasoning to solve a problem, a feat previously undocumented in any other non-human animal, including chimps.” — NewScientist.com News Service, September 17, 2008 I don’t understand what all the fuss is about crows. Sure, they can “fly” and stuff, but come on, they’re birds. So what if some scientists recently discovered that crows used casual reasoning to figure out how to get food from an especially tricky tube? I could do that easily. I don’t find tubes tricky at all. Rain sticks are still something of a puzzle for me, but those…
SHAFTED AGAIN BY NOBEL
– FROM THE ARCHIVE – (It’s Nobel season! Please enjoy a few from our archive on this topic) I didn’t win the Nobel Prize in Physics again this year. What’s a guy got to do to win that thing? I was made to win that prize, but for like the umpteenth time in a row I’ve been given the shaft. Annoying! Who cares if I’m not a physixcist or however you spell it? I’ve been doing lots of cool physics-type stuff forever and deserve some recognition and money. Since a teenager I’ve done this kick-ass trick where I put a…
TWO GUYS WITH CREATIVE FACIAL HAIR DISCUSS THE MERITS OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT’S INVOLVEMENT IN THE TERRI SCHIAVO CASE
– FROM THE ARCHIVE – Hey, bro. Hey. What’s up? Not much. You? Not much. Just had a burrito. Cool. Yeah. … … Was it good? Was what good? The burrito. Oh, right. Yeah, it was. Cool. Yep. … … What kind burrito was it? Veggie. Cool. Yeah, it was a pretty cool burrito, bro. Where’d you get it? Get what? The burrito. Oh, right. I got it at Gary’s party. Gary had a party? Yep. It just ended. Was a blast. I didn’t hear anything about it. You didn’t? No. Hmm. I was wondering why you weren’t there. Why…
SHAFTED AGAIN BY NOBEL
– FROM THE ARCHIVE – I didn’t win the Nobel Prize in Physics again this year. What’s a guy got to do to win that thing? I was made to win that prize, but for like the umpteenth time in a row I’ve been given the shaft. Annoying! Who cares if I’m not a physixcist or however you spell it? I’ve been doing lots of cool physics-type stuff forever and deserve some recognition and money. Since a teenager I’ve done this kick-ass trick where I put a quarter in each of the palms of my hands and then I quickly…