i. hide your farts all over the house. under couch cushions, inside desk drawers. between bank statements, and behind the tv. he will find one eventually. ii. let them get acquainted without your presence. if you casually leave them in a room together it will give them an opportunity to familiarize themselves without relying on you to constantly accommodate them both. iii. go outside. pretend you smoke so you have an excuse to go outside a lot. iv. tell him you are made of sugar. your insides are peppermints and jujubes. your intestines are lined with fruit-roll-ups and liquorice. your…