I’m fine, I just need a sip of water. Can I do that without sounding the climate-change alarms? There are four seasons, you guys. Summer’s the hot one. Always has been. I’m just a little thirsty. And, like, a teeny bit dizzy. You can split hairs all you want with statistics about temperatures steadily rising each year, or you can spare me the factual histrionics and start enjoying a little summer fun. I’m having such a good time that my head’s actually pounding with the pulse of summer. Really pounding. That’s strange, I actually feel kind of cold all of…
The Science Creative Quarterly
From humour
I AM RUNNING AN EXPERIMENTAL SCIENCE LAB IN MY HOME
To Whom It May Concern: I am running an experimental science lab in my home. If the naked gentleman ranting around the neighborhood is able to direct you back to my house and you happen upon this letter, rest assured that that is what you found: an experimental science lab. I am a scientist. Not in the strictest sense of the word, but in spirit. I don’t have any degrees or other credentials, unless you count an undying love of America and a giant green thumb. These passions are the foundation upon which I built the secret experimental science lab…
COMMON SAYINGS TRANSLATED INTO SCIENTIFICALLY CORRECT STATEMENTS
COMMON: Hit the ground running. SCIENTIFIC: Conserve momentum. COMMON: My gut was telling me. SCIENTIFIC: My colon speaks. COMMON: If I had a nickel for every… SCIENTIFIC: x times 5cents, where x equals… COMMON: Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater SCIENTIFIC: Avoid wet baby head trauma. COMMON: Go the whole 9 yards. SCIENTIFIC: Displace by 8.2296 meters. COMMON: You are in way over your head. SCIENTIFIC: Anatomically speaking, you are likely upside down. COMMON: You spilled the beans. SCIENTIFIC: Entropy went up. COMMON: A little bird told me… SCIENTIFIC: Whilst under the influence of psychedelic hallucinogens… COMMON: Everything…
ISAAC NEWTON, STANDING ON THE SHOULDER OF GIANTS. EXCERPTS FROM HIS DIARY
“If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.” Isaac Newton in a letter to his rival Robert Hooke, 1676 – – – May 14th, 1665 Went to the post office today, thinking that I’d be picking up a grant proposal from the Royal Society. Imagine my surprise when I turned up and instead of a grant, there was a giant waiting for me. May 22nd, 1665 A week later and I’m still a bit confused on what to do with the giant, especially since it follows me relentlessly. Friends have not been much help in…
THE BPA DISRUPTOR (A SHORT PLAY)
Scene. An empty lecture hall, stage, or an open space. RACHEL, a scientist researching the impact of bisphenol A on Bantam chickens, has entered a science competition requiring her to act out her research topic in pantomime. Enlisting the help of a friend, CARLSON, to help her with the “dance” performance, CARLSON’S reluctance is countered by RACHEL’s enthusiasm for the competition. RACHEL: (pointing to the script) Just read it. CARLSON: (in disbelief) Why did I let you talk me into this? RACHEL: (insisting) Read it. CARLSON: I’m not even sure I understand what it means. RACHEL: (confidently) It resonates. It’s…
CANADIAN TRAIN WRECKS OF NOTE
The Rogers Pass Avalanche, March 4, 1910 The Hinton Train Collision, February 8, 1986 Rob Ford, circa 2006 ongoing The Baptiste Creek Train Wreck, October 27, 1854 Justin Bieber, circa 2013 ongoing The Canoe River Train Crash, November 21, 1950 The St. Hilaire Train Disaster, June 29, 1864 Canadian Environmental and Climate Change Policy, seemingly never-ending
I SUSPECT THE I.P.C.C. REPORT MIGHT BE MORE EFFECTIVE IF IT WENT WITH ACRONYMS THAT WERE MORE NARRATIVE IN NATURE.
The IPCC report1 The STWBTIPCCFARCC2013TPSB report2 The OWCGWIPCCFR report3 The YIACCAYII report4 The OKSILTRIWSHAGTATTSAAEOTSOCC report5 The BTESCCIRINAGTAAIPOF report6 The OKTIA95LTIOFBTB100ITKOATIPITSR report7 The IOWSAACASCBAT report8 The MYCSTW100CITPRBWAKHTKOSTTTO report9 The SIATITRBYKSIW report10 The FFSJRTGROALTTRACNPOI report11 The ABCIDMOLPCOAGWFDOEICFFIIFFATL report12 The SCTINFSC report13 The AAYWWMLBGOTKOSMTIIBOLWLOMMOTOACISFMAOGEOCI report14 The ASTTQIAYOBWWTIPCCIS report15 The BIYTWTFJGALBB report16 The INWTTARSIIFHSLCHUMCPBTLUIPHBSWGTGWA95CTYCAYCCAGTBMTALDWY report17 1. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change 2. Specifically, this would be the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, Fifth Assessment Report Climate Change 2013: The Physical Science Basis 3. Or we could go with Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change For Realz 4. Yes, it’s about climate change, and yes, it’s…
THIS. THE END OF SCIENCE.
THE 2013 CANDY HIERARCHY – A SCIENCE CREATIVE QUARTERLY PIN UP (NO. 6)
Click on the image for larger graphic. – – – (CLICK HERE FOR PIN-UP POSTER – pdf file ~1Mb) – We suggest photocopying at 129% – LTR to 11×17 – – – – ABSTRACT The “Candy Hierarchy” represents a thoroughly authoritative attempt to scientifically measure and classify Halloween Candy by assessing “joy induction.” More or less. Since 2006, Cohen and Ng have curated these rankings as an ongoing longitudinal study, one which reassesses itself through the use of the newest technologies (often teeth and jaws) and robust scientific peer review (comments). This article therefore presents the latest rankings with insight…