ISAAC NEWTON, STANDING ON THE SHOULDER OF GIANTS. EXCERPTS FROM HIS DIARY
“If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.”
Isaac Newton in a letter to his rival Robert Hooke, 1676
– – –
May 14th, 1665
Went to the post office today, thinking that I’d be picking up a grant proposal from the Royal Society. Imagine my surprise when I turned up and instead of a grant, there was a giant waiting for me.
May 22nd, 1665
A week later and I’m still a bit confused on what to do with the giant, especially since it follows me relentlessly. Friends have not been much help in this regard; enemies even less so. Some have even foolishly suggested my kicking it in the shins or standing on his shoulders.
May 22nd, 1665
Do not kick a giant in the shins. Ever.
May 27th, 1665
Stood on the giant’s shoulders today. Surprised to say that it was wonderful. The world looks so different from this new vantage point, and my head is spinning from new perspectives.
May 28th, 1665
Have decided that I am never coming down.
June 19th, 1665
My cat got stuck in the apple tree today. Luckily, I can easily reach whilst on the shoulders of the giant.
June 24th, 1665
Cat got stuck in the apple tree again.
July 17th, 1665
Let’s call this a lesson learned in unintended consequences. In essence, a few weeks ago, I was all pleased with myself since I had just invented the cat door – but you know what? Turns out, this was not a good idea. Stupid cat is now letting itself out and getting stuck in the apple tree daily now. The giant, fed up, has left.
August 27th, 1665
Picked up a new giant today. This one is Welsh and not averse to cats.
September 16th, 1665
With the fall upon us, we find ourselves very popular amongst all the apple tree owners. Our height makes us excellent and efficient harvesters. Indeed, I feel a bit like a celebrity, albeit a celebrity paid in bushels of apples.
October 4th, 1665
The giant and I are making apple sauce. This is actually quite difficult when standing on a giant’s shoulders.
October 11th, 1665
More apple picking today! More apple bushels in my kitchen!
November 2nd, 1665
I swear if I ever see another apple, I will fucking kill someone.
December 16th, 1665
The giant and I had a grand time at our first Christmas party. He had fun dressing up as Father Christmas, but it was kind of weird when all my friends wanted to pretend to be little and sit on his lap.
December 19th, 1665
Back from my ninth Christmas party. The giant and I are really popular!
December 21th, 1665
Just had the horrid realization that we have only been invited to these so called “Christmas parties,” on account of our height. Turns out we are useful for putting star and angel ornaments on the top of really big Christmas trees! I feel so used.
February 10th, 1666
Now, I am starting to get annoyed by the many many locals who constantly come by and ask for some sort of giant related help. Dusting off ceiling cobwebs, hanging up large paintings, and reaching for books on the high shelf – it all gets a little old after a while.
March 28th, 1666
The giant has accidentally stepped on the cat. This seems to be bittersweet.
March 30th, 1666
The weather is starting to clear a bit, but the giant seems different. He seems melancholy and distant. The sadness is especially noticeable when I am standing on his shoulders, as they tend to be hunched these days.
June 6th, 1666
I brought home a new cat today, but the giant seemed not to notice. I am genuinely worried. Maybe I should get off his shoulders? But then again, I don’t want to act too hastily.
September 3rd, 1666
It is fall again. After a difficult few months, the giant has decided to leave. In a strange way, being back on solid ground feels right. Even the apple trees look pretty again. Maybe, I’ll even try sitting under one tomorrow…