There once was a young man named Darwin
Who spent five years tossed to the far wind
He wrote a book for his peers
After only twenty short years
And now he’s as pop as George Carlin.
They say we all came from a monkey
But I say that theory is bunky
Because as anyone knows
Who talks with creationist pros
That some people are closer to donkey.
Asked the petrified School Board of Kansas:
“I wonder why everyone slams us?”
The answer it seemed
As if from space it were beamed
Was: when God gave out brains, they were panned thus.
We’ve all grown to fill in some niche
Unless there’s some DNA glitch
In that case we change
Perhaps expanding our range
But more often, go face down in a ditch.
Upon a darkening midnight so dreary
While pondering evolutionary theory
Bob said with a wink
To his partner the twink
I fear for our fitness, my dearie.
Tad Crass was an irascible ass
Who came-on to any available lass
But by group affirmation
To stop Ted’s procreation
All said, on these genes, we will pass.
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all of his brains in a bucket
They said, he’s the kind
Who screams “Intelligent Design!”
I.e., when the bucket got full, he’d just chuck it.
If I gave you my genome to play with
Would you deem me as someone to stay with
Or would you scramble my genes
Like tossed salad spring greens
Just to see all the sequences I’m made with?
(Originally published December 4th, 2005)