The Cocktail Corollary
No personal opinion may be freely expressed until a preliminary assessment of the listeners’ related opinions has been completed.
The Sartorial Corollary
The fashion value of any wardrobe-related purchase cannot be measured by its originator.
The Trailer Corollary
A motion picture’s true qualities cannot be measured until a ticket has been purchased, at which point opinion of the film will exist in an indeterminate state until the credits roll or the instrumentation leaves the theatre.
The Flirtation Corollary
No flirtatious comment or salacious remark may be unambiguously stated before the receptiveness of its target has been confirmed.
First Vacation Corollary
The binary state of an iron, burner, space heater or other potentially inflammatory electric device cannot be determined without returning home after merging onto the freeway.
Second Vacation Corollary
The arrival of a body in motion cannot be accelerated by repeated measurement.
The Piscean Corollary
Any inaccuracy in estimation regarding the size of any sport fish will be magnified by the number and frequency of conversational references.
The Spiritual Corollary
Evidence for any deity’s existence will be recognized in direct proportion to the observer’s degree of belief in said deity.
The Nostalgia Corollary
No element of pop culture may be accurately measured until sufficient time has passed to document statistical significance in relative decay rates of lovabiliate and suckium.
The Fermentation Corollary
All known corollaries may be modified in an alcohol-enriched environment.