Hello! Nice to meet you. Before we begin this conversation, I have to ask: are you a scientist? Oh. Okay. This might be hard, then. You see, I am a scientist, and it will be difficult for me to talk to you, a layperson, without seeming like I am tooting my own horn, as you laypeople are fond of saying. Why, you ask? I am assuming that is a rhetorical question, but I am happy to answer, rhetorically. For starters, I am endowed with an incredible intellect, so at least half of what I say will be completely unintelligible to…
The Science Creative Quarterly
From humour
THE ABRAMS’ STORMTROOPER AXIOM
It (hypothetically*) goes like this: * Like all good science, this needs some testing… – – – When news hit that Disney bought the rights to Star Wars, and that J.J. Abrams would be manning the first movie of a new trilogy, my inner geek went into giddy overdrive. This was because it gave me a chance to revisited my bucket list, which had previously scratched off “be an extra in a Star Wars movie” as something that was unattainable having presumed the prequels were my last chance. But now, there is (literally), A NEW HOPE. Even better, is the…
PRELIMINARY DATA FROM THE UNICORN GENOME: THE FIRST POSSIBLE INDICATION IN HISTORY OF MAMMALIAN EVOLUTION OF HYBRIDIZATION ACROSS ORDERS
Journal of Fantastic Phylogenetics 2012 8(9): 42-49 Authors: Jean-Pierre Marielle III & Justin Case | pdf version In this study we present the preliminary finding of what could be the first record in history of hybridization between mammalian Orders (Perissodactyla and Cetacea). Phylogenetic analyses from the unicorn (Equus unicornus) mitochondrial genes (protein-coding Cytochrome b, Cytb) show a matriline belonging to the Narwhal (Monodon monceros) while nuclear (V-kit Hardy-Zuckerman 4 feline sarcoma viral oncogene homolog, Kit) clearly show a sister relationship of the unicorn-pegasus (Equus alatus) clade with the rest of the Perissodactyl family Equidae. Our preliminary study strongly suggests the…
NIPPING IT AT THE BOOB: THE GATEWAY PROPERTIES OF MOTHER’S MILK
Introduction Illicit drug use is a problem that drains public health and medical resources around the world. There are many ways in which we, as a society, can deal with this problem. We may adopt: drug treatment programs in order to get drug users permanently off their drugs; harm reduction programs that have the aim of limiting the damages from drug use; or find the root causes of drug use in an effort to prevent the problem before it even begins. One aspect of this latter approach is to identify these substance(s) that leads to more severe drug use. This…
ONE MUST PUBLISH
“Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must publish.” – Wittgengenerator 2.0 As we all know, boys and girls, the mechanical industrialization of philosophy was an unqualified boon to academic productivity. It is hard to believe, indeed, that Once Upon a Time there were merely a few hundred journals published by a few thousand academicians toiling slowly in their dusty cubicles. We can all remember, can’t we, how it all began? The lonely professor noticed with dismay (one day) that not one word he had written in his twenty-year career in academia had been read by a single human being. And…
IT’S A DEBATABLE CHRISTMAS
Characters (in order of appearance) Sean Connery Her Man Pain Michele Bachward Katy Perry’s Dad Moot Romney Newt Vader Santa HOST Hello, Hello Everyone, and welcome to the Special Christmas Edition of The Sean Connery Show. I’m your host. You know, of course, me as the star of Zardoz and Dragonheart, but my friends just call me Sir Sean Connery. Thank you, thank you – please hold your applause. On today’s Special Christmas Edition of The Sean Connery Show we have a real treat for you Yanks…it’s the First Ever U.S. Public Debate Among Candidates for the Next Director of…
SANTA BREAKS SILENCE TO DISPUTE RIDICULOUS CLAIMS BY SCIENTISTS THAT HE DOESN’T EXIST
For Immediate Release North Pole – December 12, 2011 – Against advice from Mrs. Claus and 62% of the elves, Santa Claus today excoriated what he called the irresponsible and inflammatory rhetoric of overeducated physicists with nothing better to do than employ fancy mathematical equations in an effort to deny children a sense of wonder. I am beside myself, Santa said. Literally, I’m standing next to myself. How can the supposed brilliant and creative minds at Fermilab not only question my existence but proclaim it impossible? Here’s their proof: Theorem: Santa does not exist. Assume: a) Using simple math and…
THE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM AS TAUGHT BY A PLUMBER
The shortage of qualified surgeons in this country has led to drastic measures being taken. Here is a transcript of a lecture given recently to new surgical interns by Master Plumber Fred Johnson of Johnson’s Plumbing and Heating. “Let’s go over the design plans briefly before we begin our operation, fellas.” “We’ll proceed from the top, here at this access panel, and then move our way down to the waste stack, here.” “Behind the access panel opening you’ll usually find several enamel fixtures in a curved array, with multiple small valves supplying fluid to the fixtures and the upper end…
POLIO: A VIRUS’ STRUGGLE
– FROM THE ARCHIVES – Download the pdf (14pages, ~2.7Mb)