– FROM THE ARCHIVE – The Participants Charles Shaw: A brand of wine, widely known as “two buck chucks” for its affordability (although in Ohio, one can’t seem to find it for no less than $3.33). An acquaintance of both participants in this dialog. Herman Kahn—Arguably the most celebrated and controversial nuclear strategist of his time. Often said what was on everyone’s mind, was Director of the Hudson “think tank” and wrote “On Thermonuclear War.” Also a rather large man. Me– Pacifist. Has the last name Kahn, but is probably unrelated to Herman Kahn and related to Justin Kahn only…

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – This picture is a good example of how the basic squirrel fishing model works. It’s best to find a fairly open space with enough room to walk around a bit. We stayed away from a group of ne’er do-well hippie hooligans who were playing games, as they were likely to inadvertently interfere with our fishing agenda. Keep in mind that squirrels often live in public places, so it might take time to find a secluded area. Trust me, though: it’s worth it in the long run. It doesn’t matter if people are somewhat close (see…

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – A minus 5 point starting credit. 1 point for every statement that is widely agreed on to be false. 2 points for every statement that is clearly vacuous. 3 points for every statement that is logically inconsistent. 5 points for each such statement that is adhered to despite careful correction. 5 points for using a thought experiment that contradicts the results of a widely accepted real experiment. 5 points for each word in all capital letters (except for those with defective keyboards). 5 points for each mention of “Einstein”, “Hawkins” or “Feynmann”. 10 points for…

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – The biotechnology community has been taken aback by a sudden and aggressive attack by an organization calling itself Humans for Bacterial Suffrage (HuBS). The group claims that an insidious culture of what it calls “eukaryotic oppression” is enslaving trillions of bacteria, subjecting them to perverse genetic experiments, and exploiting their labour in the execution of profitable biochemical reactions. Says HuBS president David Clostridium, “Bacteria are routinely abducted from their natural habitats, sold on the open market, unwillingly subjected to invasive genetic manipulations, and forced to breed in captivity. Multiple generations of enslaved lifeforms are set…

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – When I was in grade school, my best friend had a monkey. I don’t know what kind it was, but I can tell you this: My friend’s parents had a Kung-Fu outfit for this monkey. His name was Bentley and he was kept is a large cage in the basement. When you got too close to his cage, he would grab at your shirt and tear it. But, if you were my friend’s dad, he would let you get into the cage and wrestle him. Bentley had some scrap in him, that’s for sure. I…

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – Q: What is the principle evidence for Creationism? A: The Holy Bible, of course. After all, is it likely that the author of the Universe would be mistaken about its age? Q: But isn’t the Bible religion and not science? A: Truth is truth. It’s a poor sort of science that ignores truth. Q: But isn’t there a lot of evidence for evolution? A: Not really, most of it is from university professors writing papers for each other. If they didn’t write papers they wouldn’t have jobs. Q: How big was Noah’s ark? A: Big…

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – QAJAOG: Greetings, Captain Zabujek. ZABUJEK: Your eminence, Emperor Qajaog, I am honored by this private audience. QAJAOG: Captain, word of your exploits has reached the farthest reaches of the Federated Republic of the Empire. Is it true that you have ventured to the planet called Earth? ZABUJEK: It is true, Your Sliminess. We have journeyed millions of light years and returned safely to report our findings. QAJAOG: Go on. ZABUJEK: As you know, our study required two simple, working-class humans from a small, remote mountain town. Men, of course, preferably gullible and childless and mildly…