A DAILY LOG OF CONCERNS BY A MEMBER OF THE UNION OF CONCERNED SCIENTISTS
Why does my hair keep falling out? Why would it skip going gray and go straight to falling out?
What if my lab coat has a stain on it and I just can’t see it? Will people be able to tell this is the same lab coat I wore yesterday?
Is it going to rain? What if it rains? Do I have an umbrella in the car?
If I leave too late, am I gonna get caught in traffic and be late to work? If I leave too early, am I going to get to the lab and no one will be there and I’ll feel weird and alone for a half hour?
I’ve seen like three TV shows in the last year that featured a water heater bursting while the man of the house was away at work. What if that happens to me? Do I have things I need that can’t get wet too close to the floor?
Has the large-scale restructuring of university science programs in the past 25 years from a model based on non-proprietary science for the ‘public good’ to the ‘academic capitalism’ model based on the ‘knowledge economy’ led to the failure of the science community to oversee the transition of transgenic crop technology from the research stage to commercialization?
Is Janice cheating on me? Why would she just call me when I’m at work for no reason? It’s like she’s trying to keep me from accidentally calling her while she’s up to something.
Does a ham sandwich have too much salt for me? Could all the sodium be what’s causing my hair to fall out? Does that even make sense?
Why would she cheat on me? Is it because of my penis? Does she find my penis unsatisfactory? Or am I just a poor love-maker? Why isn’t there a way to objectively analyze your ability to make love?
Maybe she just feels emotionally abandoned by me. Maybe she feels like the scope of my professional, scientific concerns leaves little room for worrying about her.
What if someone shoots a space laser that accidentally evaporates the atmosphere? There should be a quorum. Someone should make a quorum about that.
What if Chris turns out gay? How will society treat him? I mean, if it’s genetic or it’s taught, he’s my son, right? Would Janice leave me for that? I mean, she seems open-minded, but I know she wants grandchildren. Maybe we should have some more kids.
What kind of person thinks about whether a six-year old is gay or not? What does that say about me?
Oh shit, traffic’s gonna be fucked going home.
Do I have enough gas stuck in traffic like this? Does it take more gas to get home at idling speed or at 60 miles per hour? Aren’t I a scientist? Shouldn’t I know things like this? Am I a bad scientist?
What if one day I’m trying to unlock the door and the key breaks in the lock? What would I do then?
Is Janice being evasive or was she just doing such boring stuff all day that she really thinks I wouldn’t care about it?
Why does Chris keep doing that thing with his pinky every time he grabs his cup?
Without strong action to reduce heat-trapping emissions, could midwestern states face dramatic changes including an increase in the number of extreme heat days, more intense spring rains that delay agricultural planting, and an expansion of crop-damaging pests?
What’s with this erectile dysfunction? Is it because of that ham sandwich I had earlier? Is that what sodium does? I should look into that at work tomorrow.
Assuming there is a tomorrow.