From humour

So Much Candy Data, Seriously

As promised, here is the candy hierarchy data for 2017. (Released Oct 25th @1:45pm PST. Will provide updated xlsx file on Oct 31st as well) . xlsx | csv | txt (d&t) | surveyQ pdf | n=2460 If you tag your work with #candyhierarchy2017 or #statscandy, I’ll do my best to aggregate efforts here (and also possibly at BoingBoing for a round up piece). Note that traditionally, we’ve plotted a figure based on a “Net Feelies” metric (=#JOY-#DESPAIR). We also have additional meta data affiliated with demographics, and some questions that link to other potential datasets (see actual survey for…

My Apologies for Predicting Our Current Dystopia

Dear Thesis Committee Members, Thank you for your feedback on my latest draft. I was a little confused by your criticism that my dystopian sci-fi screenplay read as too accurate and the subsequent questions insinuating my possible membership in a clandestine deep state conspiracy. When I started writing a satire of late-stage capitalism involving a global pandemic, it was with the honest intention of crafting a creative piece. I did not have insider information (no, I am not a secret epidemiologist), and I did not have a pipeline of information from any corporation that would benefit from our current crisis.…

TRUMPIAN SCIENCE: A SHORT GUIDE

Science should be done with all the “best” words. Data is shown via tweets. Folks with “intelligence” not to be trusted. China is mathematically removed in climate change projections. Hypotheses all end with a “CHA-CHING!” Scientific credentials include showing your birth certificate. “Pussy” is a medically recognized term. Citations include lawsuits. Expert peer review still sound, except for the bit about “expert.” All computer stuff to be done by some guy in New Jersey: not Russia. Breibart News is a credible scientific source. Scientific community includes that crazy relative of yours who believes mermaids are real but climate change is…

THE LAB CULTURE: A TRUE SCIENTIFIC HORROR STORY

My first co-op placement was in a research lab, four and a half thousand kilometres away from my home university. For the first week or so, it was like taking a really intense lab for a university class, except the prof was just judging me instead of grading me. He would ask me questions to probe my knowledge and get me to think hard about things, but the environment and topic were so new that this usually just made me feel silly and lost. I did learn things, but not very quickly. Soon enough, I was set up to do…

10 QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR SCIENCE

1. In the not-too-distant future, a tree will fall in the forest. Is there any chance it will have been knocked over by some kind of rampaging robot? 2. When the world’s armies are finally equipped with laser rifles, how difficult will it be for a civilian to get his hands on one, and do you think it would totally blow up a squirrel or just burn a hole in it? 3. Hypothetical situation: a gigantic black hole is about to swallow the Earth. All human life is doomed. Question: would you happen to know any women who don’t want…

REALISTIC INDIANA JONES MOVIES

Indiana Jones and tomb that had already been looted by robbers in the 19th century Indiana Jones and pottery fragment #1478 Indiana Jones and the site discovered under somebody’s house so there was no way to actually dig it Indiana Jones and the famous treasure that actually turned out to be an ancient chamber pot Indiana Jones and the temple of maybe three damaged columns Indiana Jones and the Intro to Archaeology class for students that don’t give a shit and just want to pass for general education credit – – – (Originally published at Commander of Trash)

DONALD TRUMP WRITES A SCIENCE GRANT

Principal Investigator: Trump, Donald. Title: The Best Biology Aims: Do a lot of things and see what happens. Background and Significance: I did very well in school. I learned a lot of things. Innovation: We will do a lot of things that have never been done before, and then we will do them again. Research Strategy: We will do genetics of really important plants and animals – not minerals, we won’t do minerals. We will produce a lot of data, a lot. Big data. Ten thousand more than everyone else. Summary: Trust me, we will do it. It will be…

SILLY EXAMPLES OF THE INAPPROPRIATE USE OF SCIENCE JARGON

Monday Night FootTESTIS Hootie and the FUGU RUBRIPES Winnie the FECES MASTICATEbacca the Wookie Tchaikovsky’s BERTHOLLETIA EXCELSA-cracker Suite I can’t believe it’s not TWO BUTTOCKS AND AN ANUSer Joani PRODUCES OXYTOCIN FOR Chachi Bye bye Miss American CIRCUMFERENCE DIVIDED BY THE DIAMETER Chairman FELINE VOCALIZATION’s Little Red Book Hey FORNICATE FORNICATE, the Cat and the Fiddle. The Facts of STEM CELL / ZYGOTE / BLASTOCYST / EMBRYO / FETUS / NEWBORN