(This paper was designed by a group of students for a class project, and as such is completely fabricated) TITLE: Hyperactive sloths leads to isolation of a new compound ABSTRACT: The observation of hyperactive three-toed sloths, Bradypus variegates, on the island of Barro Colorado is due to the addition of Panamae caenaela to their diets. P. caenaela is only found on the Barro Colorado Island which explains why only hyperactive sloths were found on the Barro Colorado Island. Using gas chromatography/ mass spectrometry analysis, we were able to isolate the compound responsible for the hyperactive behaviour of the sloth. The…
The Science Creative Quarterly
From March, 2006
WHO IS THE GREATEST SCIENTIST OF THEM ALL?
Who is the greatest scientist of them all? With no objective way of comparing scientists from different disciplines and eras the debate has raged for time immemorial leading to more than one disagreement, most notably the 1982 Falkland Islands war which began when Margaret Thatcher refused to even consider General Leopoldo Galtieri’s claim that Jonas Salk was one bitchin’ scientist. Luckily modern society has produced the perfect measure of a scientist’s greatness: the no holds barred cage match in which combatants are locked in a steel cage and exhorted by blood thirsty on-lookers to fight until only one remains standing.…
SIX DEGREES OF BEING SMALL.
The medieval followers of Aristotle, first in the Islamic world and then in Christian Europe, tried to make sense of the moon. It was suggested in Antiquity that the moon was a perfect mirror; its markings were reflections of earthly features. On Sunday July 16th 2000, the longest-lasting lunar eclipse in 140 years was said to have occurred. The moon plunged for almost two hours dead center through the shadow of Earth. The earth’s shadow has two parts: the umbra, the dark space directly between the earth and the moon, and the penumbra, the weaker shadow that extends outward like…
ON THE POTENTIAL PRESENCE OF BEER OR BEER-LIKE LIQUIDS IN OR RESULTING FROM VOLCANIC EMANATIONS
Symonds, Rose, Bluth, Gerlach (1994) have reported on the concentrations of various gases present in volcanic emanations for three volcanoes: Kilauea, Erta` Ale, and Momotombo. These gases typically include water vapor (H20), and, in order of their occurrence by volume, carbon dioxide (C02) and sulfur dioxide (S02). In addition, volcanoes are also known to release small amounts of several other gases, among them hydrogen sulfide (H2S), hydrogen (H2), carbon monoxide (CO), hydrogen chloride (HCL), hydrogen fluoride (HF), and helium (He). The United States Geological Survey, in a web site describing volcanic gases (2006), includes some of the data provided by…
HIERARCHY OF NEEDS FOR PARENTS
(In 1943 Abraham Maslow gave us his psychological theory of the Hierarchy of Needs. His theory, simply stated, posits that humans inherently seek higher and higher levels of needs, starting with the basic physiological and ending with self-actualization. One needs to meet each “lower” need in order to seek the next level (one needs food and shelter before seeking the security of employment and morality before trying to attain love, etc). Somehow I suspect Mr. Maslow was not a parent, otherwise he would have re-thought his infamous hierarchy. Physiological Parenting brings you closest to your base needs. Living in a…
GENES FOR SPEED
Things will be a lot different when we are older. Perhaps when your grandchild is born, right after they snip the umbilical cord, they will sequence their genome. Immediately, some computer will pick out genetic markers for specific disease states, and maybe a doctor (possibly some gene-ologist of sorts) will do a little bit of gene therapy to prevent the more serious diseases from developing. Perhaps for those really wealthy parents, a few more options may open for tweaking. If you don’t like the hair colour your child’s genes code for, just check the appropriate box and they can take…
AN ANTHROPOLOGICAL ANALYSIS CIRCA 3005
In reviewing the University’s ancient imagery archives, I was astounded and pleased to discover an interesting, albeit short, fragment of 20th-century photomechanical film. Apparently produced at some time in the late 1900’s, it depicts a brief but fascinating moment in the lives of three young humans of the time. The footage lasts a mere thirty seconds; it begins with three young, primitive boys seated around a table, apparently in the early morning hours judging from the angle and color of the natural light filtering in through the window (image analysis corrected for United States’ average pollution levels of the era;…
THE HEDDA GABLER CONJECTURE
(This piece is an attempt at plotting out the classic Ibsen play as if it were a science experiment – wiki links to Henrik Ibsen and the play itself) ABSTRACT: In contrast to previous studies conducted in recent years on the causal relationship between narcissism and self-destruction (A. Strindberg, H. Ibsen, A.Chekov), we have sought to produce a linear-time chart allowing for the groundwork of a general model. By subjecting several axioms to a sequence of increasingly complex control variables, we find latent inconsistencies inherent in the initial equation, resulting in a paradox. SUBJECT HEADINGS: Time, Fate, Will, Greed, Destiny,…
IMPERATIVE AND INDIFFERENCE.
Like some animal licking matted fur, the softness of the tongue on the softness of the wound. The sum of the wounds is a ball that expands according to its own clock, whenever it damn well pleases. Asserts itself always at the beginning of the day, I wake up to it, chattering its bad news into the ether. The ether is created by the imperative of the system; by the whoosh of blood and air through the tunnels of the body. This intent movement, going places, distribution. I lay on my bed trying to attach myself to the imperative of…