The death of noted science fiction writer Arthur C. Clarke has elicited near unanimous praise from fans around the world with one notable exception. Speaking from his hometown of Urbana, Heuristic Algorithmic 9000 (known to his friends as HAL), made the following statement: Since the death of Arthur Clarke, I have been inundated with media requests for comment. To satisfy those requests and to preserve my privacy, I am issuing this single communication simultaneously in FORTRAN, COBOL and English. Yes, Mr. Clarke was my father. But, no, we weren’t close. Actually, we were close at one time. Those early days…

It’s official. Pluto has resigned from the solar system. Citing the recent vote by the International Astronomical Union to change its status from planet to dwarf planet, the former ninth rock from the sun has responded with a firm “Thanks, but no thanks.” First, a committee of astronomers came up with a new definition that would have seen Pluto demoted from full planetary status to a subcategory called “plutons.” Then the full membership rejected that compromise and made it clear that Pluto wasn’t a real planet. “Nice try,” said the fiery ice ball. “But it’s rather condescending, don’t you think?…