By Eric Schulman

Eric Schulman is a PhD astronomer and science humorist. Dr. Schulman has been on the editorial board of the science humor magazine The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) since 1999. AIR has published eighteen of his science humor articles, including "How to Write a Scientific Paper" and "The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less," which was the inspiration for his 1999 book, A Briefer History of Time. Dr. Schulman has also contributed science humor articles to the Journal of Polymorphous Perversity, and Null Hypothesis.


(With respect to Margaret Wise Brown marvelous words). – – – Goodnight Luna. Goodnight spacecraft orbiting Luna. Goodnight Chang’e, And the Lunokhod rovers. Goodnight norite. Goodnight dunite. Goodnight granophyre, And goodnight vitrophyre. Goodnight olivine, And goodnight pyroxene. Goodnight gabbronorite, And goodnight labradorite. Goodnight orthoclase, And goodnight anorthosite. Goodnight hypersthene, Goodnight troctolite, And goodnight to the reflectors waiting for light. Goodnight Surveyor. Goodnight Ranger. Goodnight landers everywhere.


Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. Strong nuclear interaction. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Deuterium and helium production. Density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Cluster formation. Reionization? Violent relaxation. Virialization. Biased galaxy formation? Turbulent fragmentation. Contraction. Ionization. Compression. Opaque hydrogen. Massive star formation. Deuterium ignition. Hydrogen fusion. Hydrogen depletion. Core contraction. Envelope expansion. Helium fusion. Carbon, oxygen, and silicon fusion. Iron production. Implosion. Supernova explosion. Metals injection. Star formation. Supernova explosions. Star formation. Condensation. Planetesimal accretion. Planetary differentiation. Crust solidification. Volatile gas expulsion. Water condensation. Water dissociation. Ozone production. Ultraviolet absorption. Photosynthetic unicellular organisms. Oxidation. Mutation. Natural selection and evolution. Respiration. Cell differentiation. Sexual…