By Patrick Francis

Patrick Francis is freakishly strong. However, his fighting technique is almost as bad as his dancing and so he would probably perform poorly in any sort of cage match. Also, he likes pie.

MY LLAMA COULD BEAT UP YOUR LLAMA

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – Inspired by: Cavalcanti, S.M.C. and Knowlton F.F., 1998. Evaluation of physical and behavioral traits of llamas associated with aggressiveness toward sheep-threatening canids. Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 61(2): 143-158 Franklin, W.L. and Powell, K., 1993. Guard llamas. Iowa State University—University Extension Publication, Ames, IA, 12 pp. Markham, D., 1990. Llamas Are the Ultimate: Training, Feeding, Packing, Hunting, Fishing, and Care. Snake River Llamas, Idaho Falls, ID, pp. 8–14. Markham, D., 1993. Warning to coyotes; this sheep ranch is guarded by llamas. Rocky Mountain Livestock Journal, Dec.-Jan., 29–33. Meadows, L.E. and Knowlton, F.F., 2000. Efficacy of guard…

A MANIFESTO

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – I am going to take Science to the people. I will start small with curbside lectures on botany and bus-based displays of electromagnetism, before moving indoors to synthesize acetaminophen in a local Starbucks – perhaps lead a roundtable discussion on nanotechnology in a booth at the back of T.G.I Fridays. The science elite won’t appreciate my de-mystification of their beloved theories and the bourgeoisie, with their fancy pants and complicated shoes, will riot out of sheer terror. But the people will rejoice, for within them all are weak legged, bespectacled science geeks with no aptitude…

HOW THE SCIENTIFIC DEVELOPMENTS ELUCIDATED IN SCIENCE MAGAZINE WILL AFFECT MY LIFE (VOLUME 2)

– FROM THE ARCHIVES – Papers Discussed: 1.Ira M. Longini Jr. et al., Containing Pandemic Influenza at the Source, Science, 2005, 309:5737, pp1083-1087. 2. Marcel Cardillo et al., Multiple Causes of High Extinction Risk in Large Mammal Species, Science, 2005, 309:5738, pp 1239-1241 3. Andreas Olsson et al., The Role of Social Groups in the Persistence of Learned Fear, Science, 2005, 309:5735, pp 785-787 4. Brad Allenby and Jonathan Fink, Toward Inherently Secure and Resilient Societies, Science, 2005, 309:5737, pp 1034-1036 * * * Generally speaking, I am cowardly. Even a partial list of things I fear is a lengthy…

HOW THE SCIENTIFIC DEVELOPMENTS ELUCIDATED IN SCIENCE MAGAZINE WILL AFFECT MY LIFE (VOLUME 2)

– FROM THE ARCHIVES – Papers Discussed: 1.Ira M. Longini Jr. et al., Containing Pandemic Influenza at the Source, Science, 2005, 309:5737, pp1083-1087. 2. Marcel Cardillo et al., Multiple Causes of High Extinction Risk in Large Mammal Species, Science, 2005, 309:5738, pp 1239-1241 3. Andreas Olsson et al., The Role of Social Groups in the Persistence of Learned Fear, Science, 2005, 309:5735, pp 785-787 4. Brad Allenby and Jonathan Fink, Toward Inherently Secure and Resilient Societies, Science, 2005, 309:5737, pp 1034-1036 * * * Generally speaking, I am cowardly. Even a partial list of things I fear is a lengthy…

HOW THE SCIENTIFIC DEVELOPMENTS ELUCIDATED IN SCIENCE MAGAZINE WILL AFFECT MY LIFE (VOLUME 1)

– FROM THE ARCHIVES – Papers Discussed: 1. Jeffrey B. Bingenheimer, et al., Firearm Violence Exposure and Serious Violent Behavior, Science, 2005, 308:5726, pp1323-1326. 2. Paolo A. Mazzali et al., An Asymmetric Energetic Type Ic Supernova Viewed Off-Axis, and a Link to Gamma Ray Bursts, Science, 2005, 308:5726, pp 1284-1287 3. Roger Guimerà et al., Team Assembly Mechanisms Determine Collaboration Network Structure and Team Performance, Science, 2005, 308:5722, pp 697-702 4. Trevor Jones et al., The Highland Mangabey Lophocebus kipunji: A New Species of African Monkey, Science, 2005, 308:5725, pp 1161-1164 * * * A collaboration between scientists at the…

HOW THE SCIENTIFIC DEVELOPMENTS ELUCIDATED IN SCIENCE MAGAZINE WILL AFFECT MY LIFE (VOLUME 1)

– FROM THE ARCHIVES – Papers Discussed: 1. Jeffrey B. Bingenheimer, et al., Firearm Violence Exposure and Serious Violent Behavior, Science, 2005, 308:5726, pp1323-1326. 2. Paolo A. Mazzali et al., An Asymmetric Energetic Type Ic Supernova Viewed Off-Axis, and a Link to Gamma Ray Bursts, Science, 2005, 308:5726, pp 1284-1287 3. Roger Guimerà et al., Team Assembly Mechanisms Determine Collaboration Network Structure and Team Performance, Science, 2005, 308:5722, pp 697-702 4. Trevor Jones et al., The Highland Mangabey Lophocebus kipunji: A New Species of African Monkey, Science, 2005, 308:5725, pp 1161-1164 * * * A collaboration between scientists at the…

THERE’S A WOLVERINE IN MY SCIENCE

Science has brought us to where we are now: Here. It’s fairly nice here; the air smells vaguely of jasmine, the curtains are delightful – yellow was a good choice – and our lives aren’t nearly as nasty, brutish and short as they once were. That tomato with the face is menacing and it seems a tad warm, but on the whole Here is very pleasant. That doesn’t necessarily mean that Here is the best here there is. Could science have, in a slightly altered environment, ushered us down another path? What would Here be like if humans had evolved…

MY LLAMA COULD BEAT UP YOUR LLAMA

(Last week was reading week at UBC, but we were so freaking busy that we didn’t even get a chance to rest. Therefore, this week we get to catch up on our sleep by reprinting some of our finest. Enjoy.) – FROM THE ARCHIVE – Inspired by: Cavalcanti, S.M.C. and Knowlton F.F., 1998. Evaluation of physical and behavioral traits of llamas associated with aggressiveness toward sheep-threatening canids. Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 61(2): 143-158 Franklin, W.L. and Powell, K., 1993. Guard llamas. Iowa State University—University Extension Publication, Ames, IA, 12 pp. Markham, D., 1990. Llamas Are the Ultimate: Training, Feeding, Packing,…

A BRIEF HISTORY OF MY ON-GOING LOVE AFFAIR WITH SCIENCE

– FROM THE ARCHIVES – May 8th, 1988 I encounter science for the first time during recess. As my friends and I are busy using the magnifying lens that Billy Stewart had gotten for his eighth birthday to burn some sticks, she breaks off from the pack of girls she usually travels around the schoolyard with to tell me that she likes my shoes. I don’t understand how anyone could possibly dislike my shoes as they are brand new and have little zippered compartments where I have carefully secreted away the coins I will later use to buy myself some…