From archive

THE CRAIGSLIST EUTHANIST THEORY

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – THEORY A public job listing for an animal euthanist will go over poorly. SCIENTIFIC STUDY 1:17 PM – The following is posted in the Jobs section of Craigslist: Seeking Experienced Euthanist for Animal Facility New Jersey animal science facility seeks an experienced Euthanist. You should be skilled in euthanizing not only standard test dogs and cats, but also horses, pigs, rabbits, monkeys and various rodentia, some birds. If you do not have this experience we will be willing to provide training to an individual with the right qualifications. This is a full-time job with health…

AN INTRODUCTION TO OCKHAM’S RAZOR

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – “Pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitate” Ockham’s razor, states that the simplest explanation tends to be the right one. While the definition is straightforward, application of Ockham’s Razor requires some development. In this paper we are going to investigate the question, “How is simplicity to be determined?” Some philosophers and scientists have suggested that simplicity is determined by a certain kind of elegance or in other cases a level of coherence combined with explanatory power. We suggest that such models are nonsense. We will start off by taking examples from the fields of Psychology and…

WINNING PROJECTS FROM THE FELLOWSHIP BAPTIST CREATION SCIENCE FAIR 2001

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – Elementary School Level: 1st Place: “My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)” Cassidy Turnbull (grade five) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey. 2nd Place: “Pine Cones Are Complicated” David Block and Trevor Murry (grades four) showed how specifically complicated pine cones are and how they reveal God’s design in nature. Middle School…

MY MASSIVE ROBOTIC NASA ARM

– FROM THE ARCHIVES – 1 Went to the mall today. Bought some boxer briefs and an Icee. Stopped into the arcade and lost to some punk kid at Street Fighter II. It’s hard for me to push the buttons at the right time. Shuttle Remote Manipulator Prostheses (SRMP) destroyed Street Fighter machine. 2 Saw a friend’s band play, alone. I wish someone else would have come with me. People don’t always want to talk to the guy with nine hundred pounds of space steel strapped to his body. Broke the arm of the lead singer when I gave him…

MALCOLM GLADWELL WRITES THE INTRODUCTION TO A NEW EDITION OF THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – The galaxy is a very, very large place. And there’s a lot less stuff in it than you might think. The late Douglas Adams was right to point out that, once stranded in it, the chances of someone offering you a ride in their roomy vehicle are vanishingly small. Previous editions of this book have attempted to quell this sense of hopelessness through the use of an apt, if rather limited, piece of advice: “Don’t Panic.” And though the advice itself is useful (because panicking is almost never a good idea) that’s its very weakness:…

MALCOLM GLADWELL WRITES THE INTRODUCTION TO A NEW EDITION OF THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – The galaxy is a very, very large place. And there’s a lot less stuff in it than you might think. The late Douglas Adams was right to point out that, once stranded in it, the chances of someone offering you a ride in their roomy vehicle are vanishingly small. Previous editions of this book have attempted to quell this sense of hopelessness through the use of an apt, if rather limited, piece of advice: “Don’t Panic.” And though the advice itself is useful (because panicking is almost never a good idea) that’s its very weakness:…

HISTORY’S GREATEST MINDS TACKLE SCIENCE’S GREATEST UNSOLVED MYSTERIES

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – Dark Matter En route to Daphne’s uncle’s seaside cabin, Scooby Doo and the rest of the Mystery Inc. gang are waylaid at an abandoned amusement park – which, according to the kindly local innkeeper, is haunted by matter that cannot be detected from the light which it emits. So mysterious is this ‘dark matter’ that its presence can only be indirectly inferred from motions of astronomical objects. Unclear as to how this would constitute the type of adventure the gang is usually involved with, Freddie remains in the Mystery Machine while the rest of the…

SATIRE, SYRACUSE, AND SEA-LEVELS

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – I am an avid reader of The Onion. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about please be rest assured that I’m not some sort of weirdo who looks for messages in tea leaves and the like. Perhaps the name of a vegetable is a rather unusual choice for a satirical periodical, although I would have to disagree with anyone who felt that any prior publications of this genre had set lasting precedents. The more absurd the name is the better, and as we all know, absurdity is inherent to human existence.…

MASS

– FROM THE ARCHIVE – Lieserl – age 18, dark, serious girl. Dressed for today’s weather, but her clothes are dark and reminiscent of late 19th century style. Setting: Today, somewhere nearby. A simple over-head projector nearby. NOTES: The public first became aware of Einstein’s first illegitimate daughter, Lieserl, in 1987 when the first volume of his collected papers was published. Lieserl was born to Albert Einstein and Mileva Maric in 1902, two years before they officially married. She was born in Mileva’s home-town in Serbia and was given to members of Mileva’s family to raise. Albert was not there…