The world mourned the passing of Dolly the cloned sheep in 2003, but the amiable ovine’s contributions to science did not end with her death. After three years of trial and error, the Scottish researchers who made history by manipulating genes to produce Dolly have announced another breakthrough: the creation of the world’s first clone-based haggis.
Haggis, a traditional Scots dish made by combining the heart, liver and lungs of a sheep with oatmeal and suet and then cooking them in the sheep’s stomach, has not previously been linked to the science of genetics. “We thought we’d study the effects of applied heat on the cloned meat and vital organs,” said Dr. Iain Pinkerton, a member of the cloning team, “and then tuck in.”
The announcement drew criticism from the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. “Dolly was a living creature, whatever her origins,” a spokesperson said, “and her remains deserve to be treated with dignity, not served up with a side of vegetables and a tumbler of Scotch.” Dr. Pinkerton scoffed at this objection. “Everyone knows you serve haggis with beer, not whiskey,” he said.
A competing proposal called for a team of specialists to surgically extract Dolly’s rack and other succulent portions and roast them with pan-browned potatoes and garlic, then serve them with up with jelly on the side. “This jelly is derived from various strains of mint, using a radical new cross-pollination process,” explains Dr. Dougal Abercrombie, the geneticist behind the plan. “We hoped to make advances in both botanical and biological genetics, and then have a good chew.”
In the end, the cloning team was uncomfortable with Abercrombie’s methods. “He was taking shortcuts,” Dr. Pinkerton said. “His plan to use jar gravy instead of making it from scratch rendered the whole thing scientifically invalid.” The project was also stymied by a lack of funding. Most investors balked at the steep price tag, finding Dr. Abercrombie’s estimate of $39.95 unreasonable for an entre.
Experts caution that consuming genetically engineered animal flesh may involve health risks. “The trouble with eating cloned animals,” warns one doctor, “is they tend to repeat on you.”