(HeLa refers to this, JLo to this)

HeLa: Cancer.
JLo: Not cancer.
Advantage: JLo.

HeLa: Supreme longevity.
JLo: Not so supreme longevity.
Advantage: HeLa.

HeLa: Interesting model system.
JLo: Interesting model.
Advantage: JLo.

HeLa: Adherent.
JLo: “Clingy”
Advantage: HeLa.

HeLa: No flim credits to date.
JLo: Co-starred in underrated movie with George Clooney.
Advantage: JLo.

HeLa: $349/vial.
JLo: $15 million/film.
Advantage: HeLa.

HeLa: Doesn’t sing.
JLo: Sings (sort of).
Advantage: HeLa.

HeLa: From Henrietta Lacks (not known by her family until much later).
JLo: From the block (still knows where she came from).
Advantage: JLo.

HeLa: Name sounds kinda like “Hey Ya”, an overplayed hit song by Outkast.
JLo: Has an overplayed hit song with “Love Don’t Cost A Thing.”
Advantage: Tie.

HeLa: Can easily cross-contaminate other cell cultures.
JLo: Contaminates pop charts with cross-over hits using music from other cultures.
Advantage: JLo.

HeLa: Needs to be split into new flasks every 1.5 days (approx).
JLo: Visits splitsville every 2 years (approx).
Advantage: HeLa.

HeLa:People research Argininosuccinate Synthetase activity in HeLa*
JLo: People look at JLo’s ass.
Advantage: JLo.

*Powell et al. FEBS Letters 1992 May 25:303(1):4-10.