Commemorating the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing

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I have assembled my core team members for the return to, and primary colonization of the Moon. I believe that the multi-disciplinary nature of the core team will afford the highest chances of lunar survival. Both human and engineering challenges have factored into my choices.

Lunar comedian: I have chosen Maria Welfarr as my lunar team comedian. Maria’s offbeat humor and simple magic tricks will engender a healthy community environment in the lunar colony.

Lunar teenager: I have chose Mark Salacey, son of Will and Beth Salacey, as my lunar teen. The fact that the Moon is basically uninhabitable poses the risk for pathological boredom during long indoor habitation. One’s day is never boring with a teenager around. One’s day is not necessarily pleasant with a teenager around either, but it’s not boring.

Lunar maid: Clearly there must be a lunar maid. The Moon is a very dusty place. I have chosen my spouse, Janet, as the lunar maid. We are still in negotiation on this appointment.

Lunar videographer: There is no point in going to the Moon if a documentary of the event is not produced. I have chosen John Benet of Panoramic Video, Los Angeles, California, as the team videographer.

Lunar cook: No one really eats “food”. One eats “an apple” or perhaps “a bowl of instant cream of wheat,” but “food” is an abstract concept encompassing the many things humans actually do eat. No one eats abstract concepts.

Lunar politicians: Given that the Moon will represent a new residential/voting district, it will need representation. I suggest two Members of the House of Representatives and one Senator, but am willing to compromise on this. The identity of the lunar politicians will be decided via a normal election process. Candidate registration is now open.

Lunar whores: The politicians will need something to do in their spare time and are (preferably) unlikely to interact with the lunar teenager. I have selected Zella and Stacey from the street in front of the Holiday Inn behind the White House as the team whores, as their personalities seem best suited for space travel and lunar residency.

Lunar smelter: Given the immediate, life-threatening danger posed by a hole in the building that will house the lunar colony, a lunar smelter seems a prudent addition to the team. Lou Wiggs of Austin, Texas has agreed to be the lunar team smelter.

Lunar migrant worker:
Fresh fruit will be a critical commodity within the lunar colony. Manuela Jimenez, if that is in fact her real name, has been chosen as the lunar migrant worker. She will be given full lunar citizenship.

Lunar engineers: Are we all not engineers? Truly? Otherwise how would we get to the Moon? How would we expect to survive on the Moon? Those on the team that are not already engineers will be trained by those that are.

Lunar hypochondriac: Although the Moon is considered one of the most sterile places in the Solar System, there are undoubtedly many lunar hazards which will only become evident upon extended lunar residency. As such, an early warning system, or “canary in the coal mine,” seems prudent. I have chosen my lunatic neighbor Robert Smolowksi as the lunar hypochondriac. It is encouraging that he already believes he has moon lung.

Lunar celebrity:
The secret identity of our lunar celebrity will be revealed at the appropriate time.