Black holes are a captivating subject for any audience. At the Advanced Physics Laboratory’s Black Hole Humor Workshop, you will absorb high level content and assimilate effective strategies for incorporating black hole humor into any social or professional situation. With an effective repertoire of scintillating black hole humor, you will become the gravitational center of any room. Here are just a few examples from our two day workshop:

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1) Riddles:

How do you flatter a black hole?
Tell it that it sucks.

What did the macho black hole say to the less macho black hole?
“My hole is smaller than yours.”

What did the supernova say to the black hole it was trying to pick up?
I felt strongly attracted to you from across the room.

How many black holes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: This is a classic “Zen-riddle.” Its unfathomable answer can be found deep within your own heart.

Why don’t black holes ever play hide-and-go-seek?
Because they are inanimate objects.

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2) Black hole sociological humor:

Not all stars become black holes. Some of them become accountants. Many astrophysicists claim this is a semantic argument.

Teacher to black hole: I’ve never had a student as dense as you are.
Black hole: Thank you, Sensei.

What do you say to a black hole to make it feel self-conscious?
“Oh, I think I saw a little flash of light there.”

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3) Humorous black hole dialogues:

Black hole siblings in the back seat on a long car ride:
“Mom, Bobby’s touching my event horizon.”
“Am not! (whispers to his sister:) You suck like a girl.”
“You two shut up back there before I go supernova again.”

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4) Black hole pop-culture humor:

Carly Simon songs about Black Holes:
“You’re so vain, I bet you think you’re the center of the galaxy.”

What’s the difference between the Federal Deficit and a Black Hole?
The event horizon.

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5) Cliches that sound sexual or racist when altered to be about black holes:

“So many black holes, so little time”
“Don’t beat around the black hole”
“Black as a black hole”
“I put your name in my little black hole”
“Not in my black hole.”
“The road to Hell is paved with black holes.”
“I heard it through the black hole.”
“Different day, same old black hole.”
“Look what the black hole sucked in.”
“Curiosity killed the white dwarf”

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6) Controversial theories:

How many black holes can fit on the head of a pin?
Answer: All of them.

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7) Miscellaneous joke-like material:

A black hole walks into a bar.
Life on that planet comes to an end, and the planet is annihilated.

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Never feel left out of a black hole verbal sparring session again.
Register now for our two day workshop!

By snail-mail at:

Black Hole Humor Workshop
Advanced Physics Laboratory
Undisclosed Classified Location in Nevada

Or online at:

Visa and Mastercard accepted.