The Scientific Quarterly

THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE IS ABOUT HOUSEKEEPING AND ALSO AN EXCUSE TO SAY “PUNCH IT CHEWIE!”

By The Science Creative Quarterly

Dear reader,

It goes without saying that we assume that not one of our readers read all 80 or so of the textbook pieces that graced the SCQ’s pages over the summer months. That would be too much – even for us stalwart editor types who know a thing or two about science.

Because of this, we are absolutely sure that people will be tickled pink to hear that year two officially begins on September 5th. That’s right – in less than a week, the SCQ will go back to the eccentric mixture of material that made it so loved in the first place.

But before that happens, there are a few things from our year one that need tidying up. So entertain us for a bit, and listen up:

1. Who gets the Ramen?
Many of you have been waiting to hear from Bobby with regards to the FSM contest. In truth, we have been too, but repeated emails to him have been unsuccessful. The one time we did received a reply (on May 19th, 2006), it simply said, “help selma pee.” This, of course, has all the signs of a conspiracy, especially if you consider a number of consequential observations.

  • We believe a number of the SCQ submissions made it to his “Gospel,” and assume Bobby has been imprisoned by his publishers over copyright concerns. This information, by the way, was gained from a very fit looking albino monk.
  • Turns out, the email message is an anagram of Help me please. As well, the email message was sent on the same day as the opening of the Da Vinci Code movie.
  • Finally, rumour has it that Bobby is pregnant, and that this may be a result of an immaculate conception.

Anyway, we do hope to resolve this soon, so if you hear anything (even if you’re a non-albinos), please let us know at tscq@interchange.ubc.ca

2. The print edition
On this issue, and to be frank, we’re still in a bit of limbo over this as well. Feedback was garnered, and essentially most prefered the idea of a publication proper, and not to subject the SCQ to the whims (or as some called it, “the kiss of death“) of self publishing. What most don’t know is that the 3 or so invitations we received for publication were explicitly interested in only the humour material. Which is flattering and all, but we felt not true to the spirit of the Science Creative Quarterly.

Since we’re not technically in this for the glory, and above all else, simply want to respect the project and the authors who have so graciously contributed, we have decided to be patient and rather pursue publication proper where all the bits and pieces including humour, but not excluding others, is intact.

Presently, we have constructed a nice pdf version suitable for queries and the like, which we will hopefully get to sending out one of these days.

Anyway, we believe that for now, this suffices for those who are interested in such things, and also hope that ’sticking to our guns’ is the best way to go.

3. The Haiku Phylogeny Project – is it real? And why haven’t I heard back from you regarding my submission
Yes, yes! The HPP is real. To date, we have amassed a lowly 30 or so haiku’s but fully expect to recieve more, especially once the year two gets in gear (not surprisingly, our readership took a bit of a hit whilst the textbook pieces were running). And apologies for generally not responding to submissions in a timely manner. In truth, the editorial team purchased the first 8 seasons of “Frasier” on DVD, and had been most enthralled with the whole Daphne and Niles thing. Thereafter, we watched all 11 or so seasons of “Friends,” and because another school year is about to start, we are frantically trying to complete all 4 seasons of “Felicity” as well.

Some of us have kids too. Kids not proficient with email that is.

Anyway, we are back on track, and should be responding (if we haven’t already) relatively soon.

4. And Finally: Want to join the editorial team?
Speaking of which, anybody out there (especially if you hail from UBC) interested in participating? We’re always on the look out for interested and eccentric/slightly off centred science writers.

Alright, punch it Chewie…

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FREQUENTER LIST 2006: JUSTIN KAHN

By Justin Kahn

- PART I: A HAIKU -

The Grand Unification Theory on an Index Card

The Universe That
Simple is Easier than
Writing good Haiku

- PART II: TEN LINKS -

While one of the great science web pages is The Big Jewel, they also publish less serious stuff.

That second article is by Justin Warner who people frequently confuse with me. I guess they do that because we both have the same first name.

Anyway, the danger of all of this comedy fun is that it can obscure scientific work like figuring out the Hutchison effect. I live on the third floor of a building without an elevator and if someone could help me utilize the Hutchison effect it would help me get out of my pedestrian activity and spend more time reading George Saunders.

While this page can no longer be found, I believe in my heart of hearts that it had been a great page and would have been a greater if given a chance.

There is so much good information on the web that I feel like my list is five or six links short of being completely comprehensive.

So if you are looking for more good writing not mentioned here, I highly recommend a website called www.google.com.

- PART III: TWO PICTURES -

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(Pictures of Scientific Equipment I own. Left: Self Contained, Portable, Compression Differentiating Mechanism, Modified for Vehicular Support System (Silver); Right: Rabbit Ears, Standard)

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Justin Kahn puts stuff on his blog, conceptofirony.blogspot.com

FREQUENTER LIST 2006: BRIAN WILLEMS

By Brian Willems

- PART I: A HAIKU -

The arrow in your
brain pointing to “You are Here!”
covers where you stand

- PART II: TEN LINKS -

1: A story of mine, “Caravaggio’s Rothko”, which features a graph. (link)

2: Another story of mine, “The Spiders of Prague”, which contains a lion. (link)

3: Web del Sol. Great hub for writers. (link)

4: Things Magazine. Lots of links (and an amazing print mag). (link)

5: Tringo. Part Tetris, part bingo (sort of). My high score is 275. (link)

6: Saragossa Press. My brother’s books and stuff at cafepress.com. (link)

7: The Symptom. Free content by Slavoj Zizek, Alain Badiou, Jacques Alain-Miller and other hot-shots. (link)

8: The European Graduate School. Where I go. (link)

9: Kitty Yo! A cool record label from Berlin (started by a Canadian). (link)

10: Rhizome.org. Art + Technology. (link)

- PART III: TWO PICTURES -

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(Left: Samuel Beckett’s back. This was the first picture I saw of the man and I thought he only allowed pictures of himself facing away from the camera. I was wrong; Right: Cover of Joy Division’s first album, Unknown Pleasures, based on a printout of the flashes produced by a CP1919 pulsar star taken from the Cambridge Encyclopedia of Astronomy).

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Brian Willems is an American lecturing in British and Irish literature at the University of Split, Croatia. You can find some of his work in Pindeldyboz, 42opus, Milk Magazine, Yankee Pot Roast, Uber and others, or just visit his website.

FREQUENTER LIST 2006: PATRICK FRANCIS

By Patrick Francis

- PART I: A HAIKU -

Upon my return
from space I discovered my
mislaid sombrero

- PART II: TEN LINKS -

Geist: A local magazine about ideas n’ stuff. (link)

Have you been to the moon? Tintin has. (link)

Ever wonder just how many toys Ghana exports? Wonder no longer. (link)

Listening to Sunset Rubdown is like having a conversation with God
except God’s not paying attention to you because he’s too busy rocking out. (link)

Probably the only time you’ll see the Hoff dressed as an Inuit. (link)

I don’t know you at all but I’m pretty sure a harpy eagle could kick your ass. (link)

It will change the way you think about analogies. (link)

You might not know it yet but you are, in fact, a Willie Nelson fan. (link)

For all you island connoisseurs out there. (link)

Apparently corporations aren’t all good; who knew? (link)

- PART III: TWO PICTURES -

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(I got both images from photo.net, the polar bear one is by Bill Owens, this is the page; and the tree is by Simon Frohn and the page is here.

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Patrick Francis is freakishly strong. However, his fighting technique is almost as bad as his dancing and so he would probably perform poorly in any sort of cage match. Also, he likes pie.

FREQUENTER LIST 2006: RUSSELL BRADBURY-CARLIN

By Russell Bradbury-Carlin

- PART I: A HAIKU -

Soft swirling dancers
Silent havoc of stark snow:
White weight suffocates.

- PART II: TEN LINKS -

All My Shoes and Glasses
Astronomy Picture of the Day
Tom Waits, Favorite musician
Jean Pierre Jeunet Favorite director
George Saunders Current favorite author
The Life of a Degrading Bicycle
Bug Dreams
A Very Cool Commercial
The 4 Year Old on a Blind Date
Bogey As Frodo

- PART III: TWO PICTURES -

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(Left: Sunrise through ice; Right: Nest. Both photographs by my wife, Candace)

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Russell Bradbury-Carlin has a theory that many scientists secretly want to be writers and many writers secretly want to be scientists. So far, his life has wavered between the two. He lives in Western Massachusetts. His writing has been published on the web at McSweeneys, Pindeldyboz, Yankee Pot Roast, Opium Magazine, The Big Jewel, Facsimilation and Uber.nu. He has print-published his poetry in Rattle. You can visit him online at http://www.allmyshoesandglasses.com.

FREQUENTER LIST 2006: DAVID SECKO

By David Secko

- PART I: A HAIKU -

DNA wind chimes
what songs would they play all day–
four notes bellow ’sex!’

- PART II: TEN LINKS -

1. Nature’s Peer Review Debate (link)

2. Ben Goldacre’s Bad Science (link)

3. SandLot (link)

4. The Mind of Leonardo (link)

5. SwarmSketch (link)

6. A monk’s flourishing garden: the basics of molecular biology explained (link)

7. Are computer games rebooting our minds? (link)

8. Working out with the heavyweights of physics (link)

9. Canadian climate novel silenced (link)

10. Inexpensive CD4 counting for the developing world (link)

- PART III: TWO PICTURES -

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(Images from my dicty days).

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David Secko is a molecular biologist and a science writer, who is currently studying journalism at the University of British Columbia. He thinks Steven Wright was right when he asked: "ok, so what's the speed of dark?" His writing has appeared in The Scientist, The Tyee, Canadian Medical Association Journal, Science's Next Wave and UBC's Thunderbird Magazine.

FREQUENTER LIST 2006: CHRISTOPHER MONKS

By Christopher Monks

- PART I: A HAIKU -

In biology
We had to dissect a worm
It was really gross.

- PART II: TEN LINKS -

1. DriveTime (link)

2. Said the Gramophone (link)

3. The Visual Thesaurus (link)

4. The Art of Greg Stones (link)

5. Evolution Vs. Intelligent Design (link)

6. Blokus! (link)

7. The Brick Testament (link)

8. Free Darko (link)

9. Happy Morning (link)

10. Kenny Asimov’s Three Laws of Robot Baseball (link)

- PART III: TWO PICTURES (SORT OF)-

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Christopher Monks once got a B on a biology quiz. He also wrote a book, "The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life." In stores November, 2008. For more information please go here.

FREQUENTER LIST 2006: TIMON BUYS

By Timon Buys

- PART I: A HAIKU -

Phenol: Chloroform
Give me a clean interphase
Or I must repeat

- PART II: TEN SEVEN LINKS -

- PART III: TWO PICTURES ONE LARGE PICTURE -

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(A pretty great pic from the top floor of the new BC Cancer Research Centre. Credit for the photo goes to Brad Coe and his awesome camera).

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Timon Buys is currently a graduate student at the BC Cancer Research Centre. He draws inspiration from Bill Watterson and Terry Fox. Also, he gets pleasure from palindromes like Bob, kayak, and DNA.

FREQUENTER LIST 2006: VINCE LiCATA

By Vince LiCata

- PART I: A HAIKU -

I don’t like haiku.
Never have and never will.
So I won’t write one.

- PART II: TEN LINKS

1) www.opiummagazine.com (Humor-lit site, where I’ve published several pieces).

2) www.yankeepotroast.org (Who doesn’t love a good potroast? Great humor site).

3) spillwayreview.com (a beautiful online literary mag from New Orleans, where I’ve also published).

4) www.pindeldyboz.com (if you don’t know pindeldyboz yet, then you don’t know squat about online literary magazines).

5) www.apeculture.com/movies/swscience.htm (a set of articles on “The Science of Star Wars” that is absolutely a hoot!).

6) www.toromagazine.ca/home.html (Proving that male Canadians can be just as pruriently juvenille as male Americans).

7) www.zulkey.com/greatest.html (Claire Zulkey is very funny and must write at least four pieces a day, judging by this ongoing list of her pubs).

8) www.piaze.com/stories.html (Pia Z. Ehrhardt is the uncontested master of
the online short-short story).

9) www.lablit.com/home (a kissin’ cousin of Science Creative Quarterly).

10) www.biology.lsu.edu/labpages/licatalab/index.htm (a great place to get a Ph.D.).

- PART III: TWO PICTURES -

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(Left: Some chickens dancing at Mardi Gras – one of them is me; Right: My grad student Andy floating in microgravity).

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Vince LiCata is a biochemist in the Department of Biological Sciences at the Louisiana State University. His laboratory studies protein structure and function. He owns two Britney Spears CDs, but one of them is an illegal copy given to him by one of his students. He routinely gives out more than 25% A’s in his General Biochemistry and Biophysical Chemistry courses, yet is considered a hard-ass. He is reasonably sure that if Britney Spears got in a fight with Jessica Simpson, that BS would crack JS like a little twig.

THE BREAK BEFORE YEAR TWO STARTS. A LIST OF STUFF FROM FREQUENT CONTRIBUTORS. FIRST UP – THE EDITOR

By David Ng

As the SCQ begins to ready itself for year two, over the next few days, we will be presenting lists of likable (or non-likable) things by our most frequent contributors.

- – -

- PART I: A HAIKU -

To be a poet
is a major stretch for me.
See – this haiku bites

- PART II: TEN LINKS -

How To Tell People That You Are A Billionaire Without Sounding Obnoxious,” by Wendy Molyneux. This is basically the piece that piqued my interest in McSweeney’s and ultimately led to the pursuit and success of getting a few in their hallowed halls. In no way a personal character assessment.

I met Stephen Lewis a few months ago, and was just blown away by his passion for those suffering from the plight of HIV/AIDS. Really inspiring person to see, so this here is a link to an audio file of the talk he gave for UBC.

Recently, I entered the world of blogging, setting up shop over at Seed’s ScienceBlogs. Anyway, it’s been good fun, especially since I’ve been tag teaming writing duties with Ben Cohen (another McSweeney’s afficionado). Here is a portal and pseudo explanation of the blog, which Ben named, The World’s Fair.

This essay by David Orr rocks.

For good old fashion procastination, I suggest Harper’s Indexes, McSweeney’s Lists, and, of course, the SCQ’s own humour archive. That’s three links, right? Oh wait, how can I forget Boingboing. Make that four.

Sometimes, my best inspiration comes from science, but more often than not, it’s my family.

- PART III: TWO PICTURES -

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(Image on the right was found on the web, attributed to Chris Ware).

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David is Director of the Advanced Molecular Biology Laboratory, the educational arm of the Michael Smith Labs. He's also the dude that edits the SCQ. You can follow David on twitter at http://twitter.com/dnghub

 



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