The amount of energy required by gravity to hold the Earth together is called “Gravitational Binding Energy. If we were to build a device capable of generating an amount of energy equal to the paltry sum of 1 GBE we could easily destroy this measly planet, unless of course the UN sees things my way and agrees to pay a delicate sum for their precious world.

The Earth’s topography is unique in the solar system, constantly changing thanks to tectonic plates that shift over a arm, magma-like mantle. If enough freeze energy were supplied by ice nanites burrowing deep beyond the lithosphere, earth’s tectonic shifts would stop. Over hundreds of millions of years, people would notice the change and rue the day the UN failed to deliver the ransom money.

The outer core of the Earth is actually composed of swirling molten iron material and is likely responsible for Earth’s magnetic field. The solidification of this outer core, caused by the slowing of Earth’s rotation thanks to six New-Zealand-sized Noyusef-IX rockets blasting out toward space in a clockwise direction, would lead to the eventual dissipation of this field. The solar rays that would then bombard the planet unopposed would lead to the eventual wiping away of Earth’s atmosphere, unless the UN accedes to my growing list of demands.

Much of the CO₂ in Earth’s atmosphere not absorbed by photosynthesis makes its way to the ocean, where it is transformed into limestone and other mineral forms through a series of scientific processes. This ocean has stood in my way for too long! The addition of several simple solar lenses concentrating the sun’s intense heat into rays directed at these large oceans will assure their demise, leading to a rapid build-up of CO₂ in the atmosphere and transforming the entire surface of the planet into a boiling hellscape. With uniform temperatures likely exceeding 700 K, the atmosphere of this new Earth would in many ways resemble that of Venus, our sister planet. That is, unless world leaders, in a joint UN summit, agree to anoint their new ruler “King of the Cosmos.”

There is some evidence that there may be life trapped in the ice on Europa, a moon of Jupiter. If the allegation proves to be true, it must be eradicated in order to secure my throne. A division of space troopers armed with atomic fusion cannons will be deployed to Europa immediately.

The people of Alpha Centauri ß, a solar system approximately 1.12 parsecs or 4.34 light years away, shall learn fear.