LET I = GLORIA GAYNOR

By | September 18, 2006 | archive, creative, math

In its initial state, I is a member of the set {afraid, petrified}.

Hypothesis: U is a necessary condition for I. Under the initial assumptions, we may consider that IU == U, for values of I near 1 and large values of U.

However, integrating the function I / (U multiplied by differential di/dm * ewrong) over the range [night1...nightn], I grows strong for moderately large values of n as di/dm * ewrong approaches infinity, reducing the influence of U and allowing I to carry on.

As U reaches the limit thus imposed, its initial stratospheric values are iteratively modified until it converges locally on a member of the finite set {sad look / face, back * 2 * botherme}.

Corollary: We may conclude that this condition might have been avoided had we multiplied I by the elements of the vector [(lockn - lockn-1), (keyn-1 * U * 0), (known * 4 * 1 / 360)].

Now an augmented matrix may be constructed:

[1, U, 0, turn;
1, go, on, now;
1, 1, 0, around;]

which when multiplied by vector [walk, out, door] reduces to the following result:

U * [not, welcome, anymore; tried, hurt, goodbye; think, crumble, laydown * die]

Allowing us to conclude that:

Oh no not I == not (not I) == I.

I will survive.

About daledobson

Dale Dobson writes, animates and acts in the metropolitan Detroit area, and occasionally gets around to updating http://www.daledobson.com. His work has recently appeared online at Yankee Pot Roast, Opium, National Lampoon, and in The Wittenburg Door.