The Einstenian Hillbilly Theory of Marriage: It’s all relative.

Fermat’s First Theorem: The one he made in pre-school that showed why bullies are idiots.

The High School Uncertainty Principle: You can never simultaneously tell how fast you should be moving in a relationship or at what position you are currently in.

Central Limit Theorem as Applied To Dancing: In large populations, the drunkest people tend to congregate in the middle of the dance floor.

Law of Large Numbers as Applied to Nerds: Just because that girl will go out on a date with you doesn’t mean you got skills. That’s called luck.

Ohm’s Law as Applied to Relationships: You are currently in a relationship if you are getting a lot of action and not a lot of resistance.

Plank’s Constant: What pirates believe in.