By Ryan Somma

Ryan Somma writes unpublishable Science Fiction and maintains a blog at ideonexus.com, where he regularly misinforms the public about science news, politics, and anything else he blogs about.

WHAT KIND OF ENGINEER IS GOD? (A NEW SPIN OF AN OLD JOKE)

One very fine day, a group of professorial-types of differing backgrounds happened at random to collude at the same table in the University cafeteria. Their conversation evolved from small talk into more substantive topics, and eventually the Professor of Civil Engineering, with a mischievous grin, posed the question, “What kind of a Scientist is god?” “God,” in this case, being a reference to the natural world, similar to Einstein’s use of the word, synonymous with nature and cosmos, and although such a conversation might seem highly unlikely for a bunch of secularists, the law of really big numbers dictates that…

EXPLAINING OUR WORLD: SCIENCE VS. CREATIONISM

The Coccyx, or Tail Bone Science: Our predecessors had tails, and we retain these bones because our gluteus maximus and other muscles need something to anchor them. The coccyx also serves as a shock absorber when we fall on our rump. Creationism: Ironic that science would use such a tall tale to explain a short one. Ha! Ha! But seriously folks. There’s no such thing. Science just likes to slip dirty words, like that c-word it just used, into our everyday language as part of their War on Traditional Family Values. – – – Male Nipples Science: They serve no…

TRAGEDY OF THE COMMONS EXPLAINED WITH SMURFS

Our Earth is filled with finite resources that we, as the Human Race, exploit for personal gain. Oil, Fish Stocks, Forests, Clean Air, and water are just a few of the resources that nobody “owns,” but everybody needs in order to survive. However, in our current system, nobody who is taking away these natural resources from the whole of us has to pay back into the natural system. Thus, there is a great incentive to consume all of the available resources before somebody else gets to them, Garrett Hardin called this nuance the “Tragedy of the Commons.” Let’s take Smurfs…

SCIENCE FICTION VS FANTASY: AN OPINIONATED GUIDE

I Fanboy: Hey gang! Did you read The Sword of Shanara? The characters traveled hundreds of miles described in excruciating detail for hundreds of pages, until they reached the ultimate battle between good and evil! Cool huh? Scientist: Whatever. The characters in Red Planet traveled 48 million miles to Mars, while those in 2001 traveled 369 million miles to Jupiter. Characters in Asimov’s Foundation books travel millions of light-years all over the Milky Way galaxy in routine manner. Isn’t it amazing what people can accomplish when they don’t have to walk everywhere? Thank a scientist for your planes, trains, automobiles,…

HOW TO FLY

“The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss” With these words, Douglas Adams helpfully explained concept of flying in his Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. But the ground is really big, and, as the Tick so sagely noted, “Gravity is a harsh mistress.” So herein contained is my handy-dandy explanation of how you can impress your friends and family by throwing yourself at the ground and missing: Step one, throw yourself at the ground. Luckily, this is really easy thanks to gravity, which will pull you down to the ground at an acceleration…