2,501,985 B.C.

An evolutionary pop song, to the tune of 1985, with apologies to “Bowling for Soup.”

(includes audio)

Looked a bit like us
Had a smaller skull
Was relatively dull
Its life was day to day
Just tryin’ to make its way
We’d call it ape-man
It had no way to plan

It was gonna be successful
It was gonna change and grow
It was gonna send its kids
To populate the globe
Its novel upright stance
Gave rise to speech and dance
It had an average life
But so much
Has been
So right

A species in slo-mo
Led to genus Homo
There was Lucy and boisei
Generations lived and died
Their brains wouldn’t shame us
But one day they became us
While they were preoccupied
Just trying
Trying to survive


It took time
To get here
When did leaves and roots become chips and beer?
And rudolfensis become sapiens?
And what comes
(Thanks, sex!)

Because the world will keep changing
Genes keep rearranging
While the Earth is revolving
Life will keep evolving
And our own kids forever
Will marvel that we ever
Just managed to stay alive
While fighting
Fighting to survive