(Evidence for FSM)

A definitive, simple experiment that can be reproduced the world over with conclusive results:

1. Gather a group of people together. Officemates or family work. For good scientific sampling, though, get at least a sample size of 9 with a good mix of gender and race.

2. Ask the question, “How does everyone feel about Italian for dinner tonight?”

3. Observe how many affirmatives are posted in the group.

From years of extensive, observed behavior, most people in the group will give positive answers like:
– “Cool”
– “Sounds good.”
– “Sure.”
– “I guess.”
– “Anything but Mexican again.”
– “Oh my fucking god Charlie! That was William Fucking Shatner!”

Obviously, there’s some innate trait humanity has that makes us predisposed to wanting Italian food. There are two theories for this behavior:

1. We did not have this trait to begin with and gained it through evolution. We lived in an environment that put Italian food all around us and we all picked up the trait to like Italian food. Economic factors helped because Italian food is generally cheap to mass produce, leading to a glut of product and selection at affordable prices for even the “common man” to purchase. The economic factors also leads to more companies putting out marketing campaigns for their products, adding contributing visual, sound and even scent-based influences in our everyday lives. Italian food is generally easy to prepare, giving sympathetic behavioral factors to make people want to eat more Italian food because it is less of a tax on our daily work life. All of this combined over a period of time has made humanity evolve into a society that is predisposed to wanting to eat Italian.

2. Humanity was created from an Italian source that imbued the predisposition from the beginning. Now, we know that while Italy was one of 4 birthplaces of modern civilization, other facts have shown that not all of humanity could have started from that one location on the planet. So, how could everybody in the world gain this trait? There must be some invisible, Italian entity that created all human life and spread them across the whole planet. This one source of Italian influence, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and it’s hand in our species existence can answer the question of why everyone is cool eating Italian. It’s grace that allowed us existence also gives us a desire for starch, oregano and cheap table wine.

The scientific method tells us to follow the wise old words of Occam, “Given two equally predictive theories, choose the simpler.” What’s the simplest explanation for how that desire to eat Italian food has embedded itself into the core of humanity? To use the first theory, we would have to agree on the influence of multiple sources (economics, social behavior and conditioning, etc.) that, over time, evolved our entire society into what it is today. On the other hand, the second solution just needs one element for it to work, that there is a FSM out there that created humanity and gave us the desire to honor it at its red-and-white checkerboard tables of worship. It answers the empirical evidence simply, cleanly, and just as equally as the evolution argument. Thus, it should be scientifically obvious that there is a FSM.