(Because it’s also the International Year of Astronomy, over the next few weeks, we are happy to present a few reprinted funny pieces that relate to this business of space – Enjoy!) Pluto loses car keys Pluto steps in dog crap Pluto’s July horoscope warns of “personal challenges ahead” Pluto’s rent check bounces Pluto’s Mustang suffers blown head gasket Pluto constantly late to work Pluto’s girlfriend of three years leaves Pluto Pluto charged with solicitation of a prostitute Pluto becomes increasingly depressed Pluto seeks answers in a bottle of Wild Turkey
The Science Creative Quarterly
From archive
MY MASSIVE ROBOTIC NASA ARM
(Because it’s also the International Year of Astronomy, over the next few weeks, we are happy to present a few reprinted funny pieces that relate to this business of space – Enjoy!) 1 Went to the mall today. Bought some boxer briefs and an Icee. Stopped into the arcade and lost to some punk kid at Street Fighter II. It’s hard for me to push the buttons at the right time. Shuttle Remote Manipulator Prostheses (SRMP) destroyed Street Fighter machine. 2 Saw a friend’s band play, alone. I wish someone else would have come with me. People don’t always want…
A WHITE BLOOD CELL NAMED BOBBY DUVAL…
This collective story beginning was written during a weeklong science and creative writing camp at the University of British Columbia. For more of the students’ work, please click here. To read their endings do click here and scroll down a bit. – – – Once there was a white blood cell, a special white blood cell, who was special because he was a giant white blood cell. And because he was so big, he could eat pickles, he played midfield for Manchester United, and he loved to help people. His name was Baldie Duval. He lived in a forest in…
2/4 OF ONE, 1/2 OF THE OTHER
“Do you believe that black students are less intelligent than white students because their parents do not care about them? Raise your hand if you believe this.” I was able to hold back the tears when my fourth grade teacher asked this question. My best friend and first real crush raised his hand with rest of my class and shot me an apologetic glance. During my fourth grade year, the No Child Left Behind act was passed, resulting in a survey of students in my Illinois elementary school to locate and highlight common stereotypes about black people. Stereotypes were read…
A SOCIAL IMPOSSIBILITY THEOREM
For centuries, generations of philosophers and social scientists have studied the sources of income inequality in human society. Finally, a major breakthrough in the form of a mathematical proof of a fundamental truth, long suspected by millions of laboring individuals, and now shown rigorously. Theorem: It is impossible for engineers, scientists and the professoriate to earn as much money as business executives. Proof: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows, Since philosophers and economists have amply demonstrated that Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have via substitution, Solving for Money, one…
HOW TO BREW BEER IN A COFFEE MAKER, USING ONLY MATERIALS COMMONLY FOUND ON A MODESTLY SIZED OCEANOGRAPHIC RESEARCH VESSEL
INTRODUCTION Beer brewing is as much an art as a science. Finding the right blend of delicate grains, hops, malt, adding just the right flavoring agents, boiling for exactly enough time to release the tannins, starches, humic acids from you wort, these are all skills that take a lifetime to master. Perfect beer is meticulously planned and carefully crafted. Screw that. You’re six days into a 2 month expedition, and if you were lucky enough to not be on a dry ship, it’s de facto dry by now anyway. You’re eying the ethanol stores, the crew is eying each other,…
CARTESIAN DIVERS
This poem was written during a weeklong science and creative writing camp at the University of British Columbia. For more of the students’ work, please click here. – – – I am in a science lab. It is filled with machines. My diver is just standing still in the water. She doesn’t want to wreck her dress! She looks different from angles through the bottle and I make her move like my brother when he is happy! If I was a deep sea diver, I would like to meet an octopus. I wonder how old a turtle can be!
MY TEAM FOR THE RETURN TO THE MOON
Commemorating the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing – – – I have assembled my core team members for the return to, and primary colonization of the Moon. I believe that the multi-disciplinary nature of the core team will afford the highest chances of lunar survival. Both human and engineering challenges have factored into my choices. Lunar comedian: I have chosen Maria Welfarr as my lunar team comedian. Maria’s offbeat humor and simple magic tricks will engender a healthy community environment in the lunar colony. Lunar teenager: I have chose Mark Salacey, son of Will and Beth Salacey, as…
A GIFT FORGOTTEN (TWISTED HAIKU)
Puppy in closet – Birthday present for Tommy! Now, nothing but bones.