Scientists have been homing in on the genes that define our sense of humour. In a follow-up to the research which brought us British Humour Linked to Genetics, the latest report claims they have come up with some “funny results”. It does not specify whether said results are funny ha-ha or funny peculiar. Humanity has over 20,500 genes, which the official gene naming board (HUGO) has been working hard to differentiate based not only on their strains of humour but also according to country of prevalence and associated effects. Brit wit The original humour-gene research, conducted by Dr Rod Martin,…

1. Mass Spectrometry, now with an iDock! 2. X-ray crystallography, now with a Sears automatic ice-maker! 3. SDS-Polyacrylamide gel electrophoresis, now with Tide! 4. Differential Scanning Calorimetry, now with a Starbucks espresso maker! 5. UV/Vis Spectrophotometry, now with Coppertone sunblock! 6. Automated DNA Sequencing, now with 200 free anytime minutes a month from Verizon! 7. Ultracentrifugation, now with a Cuisinart fruit smoothie accessory! 8. PCR, now with Velveeta cheese! 9. NMR, now with MRI and CGI from IBM! 10. Radioactivity, now with fluorescence!

The amount of energy required by gravity to hold the Earth together is called “Gravitational Binding Energy. If we were to build a device capable of generating an amount of energy equal to the paltry sum of 1 GBE we could easily destroy this measly planet, unless of course the UN sees things my way and agrees to pay a delicate sum for their precious world. The Earth’s topography is unique in the solar system, constantly changing thanks to tectonic plates that shift over a arm, magma-like mantle. If enough freeze energy were supplied by ice nanites burrowing deep beyond…

One very fine day, a group of professorial-types of differing backgrounds happened at random to collude at the same table in the University cafeteria. Their conversation evolved from small talk into more substantive topics, and eventually the Professor of Civil Engineering, with a mischievous grin, posed the question, “What kind of a Scientist is god?” “God,” in this case, being a reference to the natural world, similar to Einstein’s use of the word, synonymous with nature and cosmos, and although such a conversation might seem highly unlikely for a bunch of secularists, the law of really big numbers dictates that…

The world is going to end on December 21st 2012. How do I know this? Because the Mayans said so and the Mayans pretty much knew it all; these are people that calculated the length of a year to a thousandth decimal place, predicted all future lunar and solar eclipses and invented gravity*. They were also a people that took their calendars very very seriously; calendars which end abruptly on the aforementioned date. Worrisome. The Mayans, probably because they didn’t think we would be able to handle our own demise in a mature fashion, were silent on how, exactly, time…

Likely: Grass. A stage of some sort. Guard. Tippy toes. Unlikely Astroturf. Olympic podium. Someone’s throat. Shoulders of (Real) Giants.

(A public service announcement) – – – Vomiting. Aggressive sweating. Evil powerpoint slides. B.S. Spitting. Mumbling. Multiple shots of that animal or flower you saw during your vacation, that yes, while interesting, does not need more than one slide in your talk. Non-mocking, gratuitous product placements. Fake accents. Wardrobe malfunctions. Being under the influence. Slides depicting graphic surgical techniques (unless of course, your talk is about the said graphic surgical technique). Being creepy. Unnecessary math. Intense body odor. The font: Comic Sans. Being dull. Laughing nervously. Laughing maniacally. Wearing sunglasses for no apparent reason. Not making eye contact. Inappropriate bleeding.…

The Coccyx, or Tail Bone Science: Our predecessors had tails, and we retain these bones because our gluteus maximus and other muscles need something to anchor them. The coccyx also serves as a shock absorber when we fall on our rump. Creationism: Ironic that science would use such a tall tale to explain a short one. Ha! Ha! But seriously folks. There’s no such thing. Science just likes to slip dirty words, like that c-word it just used, into our everyday language as part of their War on Traditional Family Values. – – – Male Nipples Science: They serve no…