Congratulations on your receipt of an Inflatable Universe. While we can’t tell you where it came from, we can tell you with a certain amount of confidence that it will be around for some time. WARNINGS FOR THE INFLATABLE UNIVERSE: Inflatable Universe is a fun and educational tool for you and your children. Please be aware that the following precautions should be observed. This set is not intended for children younger than age 9. Small parts pose a choking hazard and larger parts pose a Might Crush You Hazard. Allow adequate space for setting up the Inflatable Universe. Please be…
The Science Creative Quarterly
From humour
HOT SCIENCE-Y GUY OF THE MONTH – JAY INGRAM
Check this out! Canada’s own Jay Ingram’s got the posing-with-the-hand-thing going on! Now, it’s not so rakish a pose as naughty Nikola Tesla (see last Hot Science-y Guy installment), but it’s there, oh yes! So, you know what that means? Jay Ingram is hot, too. Well he is. Seriously. Okay, so maybe not so much in the accompanying photo (which, I confess, I shamelessly snatched from here where [you will surely notice] Jay Ingram is the only science-y guy on the page with his hand in his headshot). So I encourage you to run along and Google™ another photo –…
PHOTOSYNTHESIS – PART I: THE LIGHT REACTION (AS TOLD BY GRANNY)
— Watch/Download the movie (~75Mb mpeg file) — Description: A short 7 minute claymation film starring a rather busty, arguably homely (even for plasticine) woman with a shrill british accent, who takes the time to detail the biochemistry behind the light reaction of photosynthesis.
MY LLAMA COULD BEAT UP YOUR LLAMA
Inspired by: Cavalcanti, S.M.C. and Knowlton F.F., 1998. Evaluation of physical and behavioral traits of llamas associated with aggressiveness toward sheep-threatening canids. Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 61(2): 143-158 Franklin, W.L. and Powell, K., 1993. Guard llamas. Iowa State University—University Extension Publication, Ames, IA, 12 pp. Markham, D., 1990. Llamas Are the Ultimate: Training, Feeding, Packing, Hunting, Fishing, and Care. Snake River Llamas, Idaho Falls, ID, pp. 8–14. Markham, D., 1993. Warning to coyotes; this sheep ranch is guarded by llamas. Rocky Mountain Livestock Journal, Dec.-Jan., 29–33. Meadows, L.E. and Knowlton, F.F., 2000. Efficacy of guard llamas to reduce canine predation…
A MISPLACED CHAPTER FROM THE BOOK OF GENESIS
And lo, it came to be that God was sitting around in his Lazy-God recliner one quiet millennium, and He sayeth unto His Godlike self: “God is bored and needs some entertainment.” And lo, God created the Earth and all it’s inhabitants without getting up from the Lazy-God chair, even whence God needed the occasional short beer break while working, still He did not leave His chair, but simply reached into His Almighty Demi-God Fridge which He always keepeth beside the Lazy-God chair. Late in the week, as one Godlike afternoon twinkled into evening, God looketh down upon His new…
WHEN CELEBRITIES, WHO HAVE BEEN CLONED IN THE MOVIES, GET TOGETHER FOR A COFFEE
SETTING: A Starbucks in L.A. – three celebrities are sitting at a table with their coffees and sharing a newspaper, a fourth is walking towards the table with his coffee. FADE IN MICHAEL KEATON (Approaching the table) Man, I really need this now. (Sits down, whilst the others nod or wave). Is there a free section of paper? ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER You vant the sports section? MICHAEL KEATON Sure. (Takes the paper and starts looking at the front page) (A few minutes of silence as everyone reads their newspaper) HITLER (Slams his paper down and stands up). Dis ist terrible! As…
THE SECRETS OF PARENTING THAT NO ONE WILL TELL YOU
Parenting can be very difficult. And when you become a new parent, people will give you hundreds and hundreds of books about how to be a good parent. But what they don’t tell you is that there are secrets to parenting that you will not find in any book, even one from a bookstore. These secrets have been handed down generation to generation, parent to parent for eons. I learned them from my mother and she learned them from her father, who learned them from his Great Aunt Larry. And so on and so on. Well, today, I would like…
THE THAMNOPHOBIA CRISIS
Because the deadly scourge of thamnophobia moves slowly, many of its social, political, and economic effects have yet to be understood. The impact is hard to overstate. But we must be up to the task. The other day, I was talking to a colleague, a highly educated and intelligent person who is usually capable of insightful logic, understatement, and restraint. When the topic turned to President G.W. Bush. Suddenly, the conversation began to sound like this: “That g@#$#$%&#$%^m@$n Bush #&$#&$%^ !!!! 2#$^@ damn 3 f$%^@k$%^@$%g neocons s#o$n%@of# b$%t@#c%h hitler!!!!! @#$%@$%^#$ Karl Rove a@s#$s%h@ #ol$%e hell in a handbasket !!!!!” What…
THE CRAIGSLIST EUTHANIST THEORY
THEORY A public job listing for an animal euthanist will go over poorly. SCIENTIFIC STUDY 1:17 PM – The following is posted in the Jobs section of Craigslist: Seeking Experienced Euthanist for Animal Facility New Jersey animal science facility seeks an experienced Euthanist. You should be skilled in euthanizing not only standard test dogs and cats, but also horses, pigs, rabbits, monkeys and various rodentia, some birds. If you do not have this experience we will be willing to provide training to an individual with the right qualifications. This is a full-time job with health benefits. You should be prepared…