I am going to take Science to the people. I will start small with curbside lectures on botany and bus-based displays of electromagnetism, before moving indoors to synthesize acetaminophen in a local Starbucks – perhaps lead a roundtable discussion on nanotechnology in a booth at the back of T.G.I Fridays. The science elite won’t appreciate my de-mystification of their beloved theories and the bourgeoisie, with their fancy pants and complicated shoes, will riot out of sheer terror. But the people will rejoice, for within them all are weak legged, bespectacled science geeks with no aptitude for sports who yearn for…
The Science Creative Quarterly
From humour
AM I EVERYWHERE?
Last year, I had a decidedly Jungian experience, which is odd for me as a rational scientific sort. This synchronicity event happened at a local bookstore where I was searching for an issue of a Canadian magazine called Maisonneuve, a publication nice enough to print an essay of mine. As I was looking over the rack, my eyes wandered and noticed an issue of The Believer1 , where lo and behold, I saw my name on the front cover – a very observable and clear “by DAVID NG”, written with agreeable font, and even flanked by two pretty star icons.…
A CHEMIST RESPONDS TO “A SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT.”
(A review and/or rebuttal to “A Scientific Experiment” by Jaime J. Weinman, Issue One, Part II) Well, it’s a good thing that science experiments on webpages aren’t subject to the traditional anonymous peer review process. It they were, Jaime would probably get a reply something like this: “Dear Mr. Weinman, “We regret that we cannot accept your manuscript for publication in its current, or likely any, form. The reviewers have pointed out a number of glaring deficiencies and omissions, briefly summarized below. “Although your scientific curiosity is to be applauded, your experimental methodology seems exceedingly limited, and lacks many important…
A SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT
Some other people were talking about the silliest things they’d ever done. Their examples beat my own, but then, they’d done more things than I had, silly or no. The one really silly thing I’d done that they hadn’t was — and I swear this is true — I once tried to see if it was possible to cook all the fat out of a hot dog. I’m quite serious about this, though, as you can imagine, it happened on a day when I was really, really bored. I had eaten a hot dog for lunch, and I was wondering,…
THINGS TO CONSIDER SHOULD YOU HAPPEN UPON YOUR DOPPELGANGER ON THE STREET
Do not panic. Remain calm. A level head is key in any doppelganger situation. There’s no reason to assume that your doppelganger is harboring nefarious intentions without first considering all the possibilities. Is it possible that your doppelganger is simply a dead ringer? A good three out of five doppelgangers are nothing more than harmless people who, due to the random nature of genetics, resemble you exactly. If this is the case, perhaps the two of you can come to some sort of mutually beneficial agreement. (For example: Have you any need for an alibi while hiding a body in…
LIMERICKS OF EVOLUTION
In thanks for all the submissions recieved for our evolution contest, the SCQ is happy to present a few lines of verse to you. Hopefully, we’ll be able to showcase the best of the submissions shortly, but for now, be cautioned that recitation of the following limericks during courting rituals may actually decrease reproductive fitness. – – – There once was a young man named Darwin Who spent five years tossed to the far wind He wrote a book for his peers After only twenty short years And now he’s as pop as George Carlin. They say we all came…
PARENTS AS A NARCOTIC
Last weekend, Candace, Will and I visited my mother. And, while I was there, I realized I was very tired. Granted, I had not slept well the night before, but it suddenly occurred to me that I am often tired when I visit my mother. Then, on the way home, it also occurred to me that I often feel tired when Candace and I visit her father or mother. I brought this up to Candace. I asked her if she thought I had some kind of problem. “Have I developed a mental association with our parents…some self-imposed Pavlovian condition…is it…
JOKES WITHOUT PUNCHLINES TAKEN FROM A CELLULAR BIOLOGY LABORATORY
1. A chemical microbiologist, a pathologist and a clown are flying in a small commuter plane between Kansas City and Omaha. Halfway there, the plane bursts into flames and the pilot bails out. The passengers discover there are only two parachutes. Which one dies? 2. 1,4-dihydro-2,6-dimethyl-4-(2-nitrophenyl)-3,5-pyridinedicarboxylic acid dimethyl ester walks into a bar. On the stools next to it are a leprechaun, a unicorn, and Santa Claus. The bartender has a keg of Guinness, a bag of oats, and a plate of cookies behind the counter. He says to the newcomer, “These three regulars beside you are mean bastards if…
WHAT’S NEW IN SCANTRON TECHNOLOGIES
The Scantron 8950 (A.K.A. “Lil’ Helper”). Attention, teachers! How many times have you arrived at the scantron machine with your stack of answer sheets and realized that you forgot to fill out the answer key? And where is your pencil? Hang on, because help is on the way. The 8900 may not help you remember to fill out your answer keys, but with its elegant pencil holder and built in pencil sharpener, you’ll be able to remedy that in no time. The Scantron 9000 (A.K.A. “The Compassionate One.”). Attention, teachers! How many times have you looked out at your tired,…