* Please note; paper previously rejected by “The Royal Victorian Journal Of Contemporary Science” on grounds of questionable style and insufficient use of the semicolon. – – – Samwise S.K. Darius & Colleague Dear Sirs In this preliminary study, conducted after Friday afternoon tea, my esteemed Colleague and myself resolved to investigate whether a stem cell, of origin I am not at liberty to disclose, but which needless to say had undergone a transfer of proteinous nature from a cell of the hairus folliculum variety, would respond to shear stress caused by gravity-mediated lateral flow of extracellular buffer in an…