“Hi everyone, I’m Jim Cuttlefish, your host for Animals Without Faces, says the big-eyed, tentacled face filling the television screen, “the show where contestants share face time with animals without faces.” “How about a big wave for today’s contestant — Marina!” he says, welcoming a young woman in SCUBA gear swimming into view next to him, “So Marina, tell us a little about your self.” “Well, I spend most of my time on the beach.” “Working on your tan?” Jim winks at the camera. “No, cleaning up litter, actually.” “I see. So tell us, Marina, what are you looking for…

In a dramatic raid on Disney partner Pixar Studios, Coral Reef Animation Police (CRAP) arrested Nemo, star of the phenomenally successful Finding Nemo, for three counts of public mischief. A CRAP spokesperson said the arrest stemmed from three questionable situations depicted in the film — Nemo’s upbringing, the maintenance of a warm saltwater aquarium, and the anatomy of a baleen whale. Nemo was unavailable for comment but lawyers for Disney and Pixar said, “It’s just a story. We never said we were training marine biologists.” The first incident occurs early in the film, when an unnamed predatory fish devours the…