(CLICK HERE FOR PIN-UP POSTER – pdf file ~200k) – We suggest photocopying at 129% – LTR to 11×17 – My wish was to be buried in the Churchyard at Downe. Now I find Mr Huxley, thumbing his nose at the Queen for refusing me a knighthood, arranged to have me planted in that mausoleum Westminster Abbey. He knows I hated London. And burying an agnostic in such a place is carrying whimsy just a little too far. So I was delighted when a mob of angry biologists and historians broke into the Abbey one night and removed my remains…
The Science Creative Quarterly
From humour
IT’S A LUCKY THING FOR EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGY THAT THE FOLLOWING PASSAGES AREN’T IN THE BIBLE
Jesus then entered the farm, and saw creatures of every shape and size, and so said to his followers, “Hey, my Dad made that creature, and that creature, and also that creature… Actually, now that I think about it, he made them all.” And at the early dawn of the seventh day, just before He rested, God did a lot of pretty complicated things at super duper God speed. This was so that people would think the whole Creation thing probably took a lot longer than seven days. The heavens opened and the angels proclaimed, “Fear any literate man, capable…
LIMERICKS OF EVOLUTION
There once was a young man named Darwin Who spent five years tossed to the far wind He wrote a book for his peers After only twenty short years And now he’s as pop as George Carlin. They say we all came from a monkey But I say that theory is bunky Because as anyone knows Who talks with creationist pros That some people are closer to donkey. Asked the petrified School Board of Kansas: “I wonder why everyone slams us?” The answer it seemed As if from space it were beamed Was: when God gave out brains, they were…
PRE-MED STUDENT ACCIDENTALLY CURES CANCER
Patrick McCarthy, a pre-medical student, who previously referred to his general chemistry lab requirement as “the dumbest thing [he’s] ever heard of,” has discovered the cure for cancer, Nature News reports. McCarthy, 22, discovered a special class of polyphenolics during last Monday’s extraction of the compounds from apples, says John Strova, a sixth-year graduate teaching assistant. “The students were required to complete an extraction of the antioxidants and complete a calibration curve to determine phenol activity,” Strova told the Associated Press. “Pat’s research results were mind-blowing. I didn’t even know this level of antioxidant activity was possible. But there’s an…
THE CHIMERA FILES: WHEN DOGGIE MET KITTY (PUN HEAVY VERSION)
“Woman Claims Puppies Were Born To Cat; Says Neighborhood Mutt Impregnated Feline“-Reuters Doggy: Before Ms. Pretty Kitty? I ran with a tough pack of stray dogs. I was always out chasing tail—usually my own. Kitty: In my strict Siamese family, we were discouraged from dating outside the breed—never mind outside the species! Doggy: When I first saw her, my heart went into heat—but she thought I was just in it for the chase. Kitty: I was like, “Down boy! You’re barking up the wrong family tree.” I don’t want to be anybody’s weird fetish-I am not into “kitty porn.” I…
PHRASES WHICH SOUND PLEASANT ENOUGH BUT ARE ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARY
Cruises in Iran Hummer coming through Intelligent design in the school Global Warming
RESEARCH MANUSCRIPT: SCIENTISTS WILL GEEK OUT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
HYPOTHESIS Scienceful types will find über-nerdy ways to pass the time regardless of the circumstances. MATERIALS AND METHODS: A bunch of scientists went to a bar after a day at a conference. Many consumed unspecified volumes of alcohol. RESULTS: The next day, one of the authors found the following on a napkin he had pocketed: Celebrities and Artists of the Excretory System Actors/Directors Kidney Pollack Sylverster Aldosterone Nora Nephron (no relation to Zac Nephron) Sarah Michelle Glomerular Robert Uric Sharon (Renal Artery) Stenosis Musicians Pissy Elliot Don “Loop of” Henle Filtrate Collins Micturate Jagger Renin DMC Urethra Franklin Authors Bladder-mir…
STOP ANIMAL VIOLENCE NOW!
Dear Animal Empathizer, It’s a scene that’d be shocking if it wasn’t all too common: An innocent baby seal is stalked, murdered, its skull crushed, its bloodied body used and abused for nefarious purposes. But the perpetrator of this heinous hate crime isn’t a furrier or poacher, protected from punishment by a right-wing “population control” zealot: This serial killer of seals is a polar bear, and it’s being protected by you. Animal Wrongs. It’s the taboo topic we in the animal rights movement never dare discuss-too radical even for the radicals. Yet animal on animal violence kills more creatures each…
AN ARACHNOLOGICAL GUIDE TO THE SPIDERS FROM MARS
Stardust Dreamweaver (Arachnidius centauri) One of the most deadly of all Martian spiders, the Stardust Dreamweaver doesn’t inject venom into its prey directly. Instead, it surrounds it in a hazy cosmic jive, distracting its victim. Easily trapping its meal, the Stardust Dreamweaver then cocoons it in a hideous kabuki-style space age outfit and subjects it to Gary Glitter’s “Rock and Roll (Part 2),” also known as the “Hey Song.” Once the victim’s brain hemorrhages, the Stardust Dreamweaver devours its prey. This arachnid dwells deep within the velvet goldmines of the United Kingdom. It is prized by garment makers for its…